


Songs of Innocence

by banamas



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Artists, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Blood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nudity, Pining, Slow Burn, artist!hoseok, muse!Changkyun, the others show up much later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-09-22 20:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 42,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9623756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banamas/pseuds/banamas
Summary: Changkyun isn't one to complain much or talk about his problems. He's grown a thick spine living on his own in this strange new country where he can't afford to. Hoseok however wants to listen to his every thought; he's the only one who's ever tried. Though the further Changkyun comes to becoming Hoseok's masterpiece, the more he becomes intoxicated. It only haunts him how easily he'll let this mysterious artist poison him.





	1. A Nightpiece

**Author's Note:**

> This was initially going to be a oneshot but it's gotten to be too long and I'm impatient so now it's in chapters, enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The sun descending in the west,  
> The evening star does shine;  
> The birds are silent in their nest,  
> And I must seek for mine."

Flyer unfolded in his hands, his eyes scanned over the offer just a few more times. The boy was stopped before an old brick building on Fifty-Seventh Street, a neighborhood he’d never visited once since arriving to this country. He was just shy of a year since he’d immigrated and the only times he’d really felt nervous were moments like this: when he’d go in asking for a job. It was bad enough that he’d hardly worked a job in his home country, but just introducing himself in this one was annoying. It wasn’t that he didn’t know English well enough, he was actually pretty good at it, but he always had to use his English alias because the employers couldn’t understand his real name. What was so hard about remembering ‘Im Changkyun’? It was much shorter than many of the strange names he’d heard during his time here. Regardless, the somewhat judgemental looks and condescending tones were other things that rubbed him the wrong way.

Changkyun folded up the flyer halfway and held it to his chest. Letting out a heavy sigh, he rolled his head back and looked toward the top of the looming building, toward the clouds hovering above. Life would be so much easier if he were up there with them. But he wasn’t. He was here and he needed a new job. Tucking the flyer away into the inner pocket of his vest, Changkyun fixed the newsboy hat over his head and entered the small iron gate toward the door.

Upon a closer look, the building seemed even more dated than from afar. Cracks inlaid the concrete porch and steps while the windows for the majority of the floors above looked dim and shaded. It gave the boy a somewhat anxious feeling. He’d have to make sure he was getting a job and not a one-way ticket into the afterlife. Knocking on the door, Changkyun fixed his bangs a bit, brushing them from his eyes before pulling off his hat. He had to look a bit more professional considering how baggy and worn his current clothes were.

It was minutes before the door opened and a taller man faced him with first a smile, then a dumbfounded look. “May I help you?” The man asked, his airy voice a little odd compared to his masculine image. Changkyun blinked as he got a good look at him, surprised himself. He had such white hair and pale skin that he felt like snow; cold and soft. His eyes were blue and he had the slightest of dark circles under them as if he just woke up, but the rest of his features mirrored his own in a way. He wondered if this man was of mixed blood, intrigue setting in where the initial doubt was finally leaving him. He quickly shook off these thoughts when he realized he’d been standing there wordlessly for far too long.

The anxious young boy pulled out the flyer from his pocket. Showing it off to the brawny man in front of him, he pointed at it and explained, “I’m here for the job… It’s still open right?”

The other man looked at the flyer for a moment, a smirk moving at the corner of his lips as he stepped back. He opened the door wider and with an inviting grin, motioned toward the inside of the house. “Alright. Come in then.”

Something was up, Changkyun could tell, but he didn’t quite know what. Still, it sounded like this man was offering him the job and so he trailed behind him faithfully. Changkyun shut the heavy door behind them both and spun around, awestruck by the impressive room that welcomed him. The ceiling was raised and the space was graciously wide, a large staircase descending down from the second floor. Stepping forward with his eyes up, the boy accidentally stepped on some letters on the floor of the entryway. In the pile was a newspaper clearly dated September 27, 1899. Raising an eyebrow, Changkyun wondered why the man left his mail from today sitting on the floor all day, but hadn’t the heart to ask such an intrusive question.

The man turned to the right into another room where a coffee table and couch were nearby an unlit fireplace. Understandable, considering it was only the afternoon in the early Autumn. Pointing to the couch, he waited for Changkyun to sit before taking his own seat in an armchair across from him. The boy sat his hat down on the table and couldn’t help but glance around the room, all the intricate and bright wallpaper lined with some mounted candles. A heavy, huge carpet extended under their feet across the room, leading his eyes toward the fireplace for a closer look, especially at the little ceramic figures and the large painting suspended above. The woman in the portrait was beautiful, but he didn’t stare long for his host’s voice called his attention.

“Before we start anything, I should ask.” Leaning on his opened knees, the man interlocked his fingers and stared at the boy sinking slowly into the cushiony seat. “You do know what job this is, right?”

“It said on the sign, right?” Changkyun was sure enough that he knew what he was doing. He was capable, not like how this guy was probably imagining him to be right now. “You need someone to help you with modeling.”

The man still looked quite confused himself and peered at the boy with interest. “So, you wanted to take this job then?”

Changkyun’s eyes dodged away from the guy’s looks and toward the folding desk and gramophone across the room. Just how rich was this guy? “Yes, sir…” He started and glanced at him before staring a hole into his hands in his lap. “I’ve had plenty of experience. I’ve modeled houses and other buildings around the city. I know a lot about both planning and construction, even my parents were architects, so if you--”

The boy stopped when the guy across from him leaned and threw his head back, cackling. Changkyun waited patiently until he collected himself before shooting a questioning look at him. Was he mocking him? He let out a little sigh under his breath, sinking further into the cushion by the time the man had gotten up from his seat. Walking around the table to the couch, he took a seat next to Changkyun and leaned in.

Crossing a leg as he got comfortable amidst the boy’s tension, the host smiled. “My dear boy, do you know what the word ‘model’ means?”

There it was. The condescension would begin here and Changkyun would slowly feel himself being crushed, swallowed into himself while he could only sit there and listen to the snide remarks about how he was obviously a foreigner. Though, Changkyun couldn’t help but have had some hope for a better understanding from someone so seemingly akin to himself. He should’ve known he would be just like the others. After all, the man spoke so eloquently and dressed so well. As his arm grazed the back of his neck, Changkyun only looked down at his hands. He knew what modeling meant in one way, but what was wrong? Did he learn wrong?

When the man clearly realized that Changkyun wouldn’t answer him any time soon, he crossed his leg and explained, “You see, that is a form of modeling. However, I’m looking for a different kind of model. A person I can paint.”

“Paint?” Changkyun’s low voice cracked a bit and he cleared his throat, facing the man. “You’re an artist?”

The man smirked again and reached for Changkyun’s hands, holding one in his own. “You can probably tell just by my hands. I’m too soft-skinned for any other occupation.” Smiling, he dropped Changkyun’s hands, who simply rubbed them together in wonder at just how soft they really were. Though, maybe it was just his own hands that were too rough from all the construction work he’d done until now.

Suddenly, the boy snapped up and looked at the man in amazement. “Are you famous then? I mean… you’re so…” His eyes trailed around the elegant room, at the large painting above the fireplace. He now wondered whether this was painted by the man as well.

The man laughed and shook his head. “A lot of people don’t like my work these days, it doesn’t really fit the status quo you could say.” Situating himself so his side was leaning on the back of the sofa, he fixed his gaze on Changkyun. “I like to capture the aspects of life that don’t fit into that status quo, you see. I portray people for the beauty they inherently bear, not as the gods they covet. Lately I’ve just been interested in expressing my image of humanity, so…” He held onto Changkyun’s shoulder, soft fingers grazing the collar of his shirt and the back of his neck. “If you still would like to, I will make you my model. Usually women will model for my paintings, but I have no problem with men either.”

Changkyun didn’t know what to say. The feeling of being swallowed was still there, but now it felt like it was this man that was swallowing him up, enveloping his body with a mystery that wouldn’t leave his mind until he agreed. Nodding, the boy relaxed into the man’s touch and smiled. “Thank you! I’ll do whatever you’ll ask of me.” Even though he still wasn’t accustomed to the thought of modeling for a painting, especially considering how only beautiful women came to mind when he thought of the art, he was committed to his new job.

“Wonderful!” The man grinned softly, holding a hand out for Changkyun to shake. “I’d be delighted to work with you… What did you say your name was again? I didn’t catch it.”

Changkyun slipped his hand into the man’s, secured in the softness of his hand and smile, until he was caught off-guard by the question. Unwilling to test his new employer’s patience, he settled on his usual introduction. “My name’s Daniel.”

The man nodded and let go of his hand, giving the boy some space. “Daniel. That’s certainly a fine name, but what’s your real name?”

The boy blinked and was startled by his question yet again. Swallowing, his deep voice spoke with trepidation. “It’s Im Changkyun…”

He’d half-expected a confused expression or inquiries about what the hell he was even speaking, but when Changkyun looked up, the snow-like man was frozen himself. This was a reaction Changkyun had never witnessed before, yet it wasn’t the least bit unsettling.The man however looked much perturbed, like he suddenly recalled a forgotten memory. To much of Changkyun’s surprise, the man spoke up, “You’re from Korea?” His lips curved into a bright smile while his eyes expressed awe. Changkyun was now frozen as well, from hearing his native tongue for the first time since he’d arrived to this country. It felt like such a relief over his entire body, to hear that beautiful language again that reminded him of the home he left behind. Nodding to the man’s question, a grin spread across his entire face. It was rare to find someone from his home in such a faraway country.

“My name is Shin Hoseok,” The man stated in a very formal fashion. Changkyun was more and more stunned the longer this man spoke. He snapped back to reality when the man stared at him, looking the boy up and down a few times like he was lost in his own thoughts before finally asking, “Do you want to speak in Korean from now on?”

Instantly Changkyun shook his head. As much as he felt comfortable knowing the man could understand his first language, he was good enough at English to not need that pity. He actually thought he was really good at his second language for primarily studying it in books. Switching to the strange language, he replied, “No, I’d rather speak English. I’m in America now, not Korea.”

“I understand. Do as the Romans do, right?” Hoseok chuckled and stood up, Changkyun following suit until the man insisted he remain seated. “I’ll make us some tea and we’ll talk.” Changkyun couldn’t help but feel something was off about the man since finding out they were both Korean. He seemed ecstatic, but also somewhat regretful. Maybe the man was homesick. But then again, he wasn’t even sure if Hoseok immigrated here like him as well. He seemed pretty young too, not much older than himself. Now swarms of questions were buzzing around his head as the man eventually brought out a small tray with a fancy tea set. The set looked like pure silver and it brought the question to the forefront of his thoughts again: just how rich was this guy?

Hoseok sat down in the chair from earlier and poured them both a cup of hot tea, dropping the tiniest sugar cubes into Changkyun’s, though not in his own. Adding some cream to both, he took the plate and cup into his hands, sipping quietly at the brew. He stared Changkyun down until the boy finally picked up his own share, attempting to hide his sour reaction to the bitter taste that remained. While the boy stirred his drink some more with a tiny silver spoon, Hoseok broke the silence.

“For this painting I plan to make, it will take several months to complete. I hope you will understand…” As Hoseok put down his cup and crossed his leg, hands folded in his lap, Changkyun nodded and sipped at his cup. It was finally sweet enough and it tasted heavenly. “Also, the painting I’ll be doing will be a nude.” Changkyun spit out the hot coffee, spilling across his white shirt, albeit it was originally pretty dirty, as well as the finely lacquered coffee table.

The teacup clattered as he set it down onto the table and patted at his stained shirt, then the table. Tripping over his words, the boy uttered countless apologies. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that, I just…”

Hoseok held back a laugh and watched, amused by the boy frantically attempting to dab the coffee with his baggy shirt sleeve. “There’s no need to worry, it’s an old table anyway.”

That made it even worse in Changkyun’s head, it was probably an antique. And now it was ruined with coffee and spit. He settled better into his seat and mumbled, “I’m really sorry…”

“It’s a strange request, I know.” The boy’s host got right to it. “There aren’t many men who model, let alone without clothes, so I think that’s a reason why I want to do it now more than ever.”

Did this guy really just decide on this out of the blue? Changkyun wanted to leave at the thought of this man painting his naked body, but the temptation of a great reward was evident through the expensive items all around the room. He couldn’t give up this chance. “So will we be starting today?” He wasn’t quite ready for such a commitment, however.

Hoseok immediately shook his head and explained further, “No, not at all. I’m not even sure about what I want to paint or better yet, what I want to express about you and how.” Leaning forward, he reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Dabbing at the remains of the spilled coffee, he continued. “I’ll start with a series of sketches and smaller paintings. It’ll be better to ease you into the longer sittings than to start right away.” He smiled and left the dirty handkerchief on the tray he’d brought out. Gazing at Changkyun who dared not touch his tea anymore, he joked, “I’ve had plenty of women model for portraits and realize they have little patience for the process.”

It was a relief to hear those words, but the nudity awaiting him was discomforting. Changkyun smiled back out of politeness and nodded to show he understood. He watched as Hoseok finished his tea while a swirl of questions cluttered his mind again. “So then the painting will be of my whole body?”

Another smirk rose on Hoseok’s lips as he gathered the tea cups onto the tray. His was empty while Changkyun’s was nearly full, slightly sticky from the spill. Changkyun frowned at his incompetence in such a simple task. “Why? Do you think your body isn’t beautiful enough?” Hoseok asked.

Changkyun was flustered. Of course he didn’t think he looked good when the man across from him looked so amazing. He had such a masculine physique, but a soft charm in his face and voice. His eyes were striking, as was his smile, and his height suited the clothes on his back. Changkyun on the other hand was resigned to cheap clothes too big for his smaller body. He wasn’t incredibly hard to look at, but he would hardly call himself handsome.

“I’m… alright. I suppose.” The boy’s eyes shied away as he shrugged.

Hoseok meanwhile stood up, waiting for the young man to follow suit. Once Changkyun got the hint and rose to his feet, the man smiled and said, “I’ll show you some of my works.”

With a nod, Changkyun followed after him as he led them both out into the foyer and up the stairs. There were plenty of rooms on the second floor, it was a wonder just what he did with all of them.

“Does anyone else live here?” The words poured out of the boy’s mouth before he could second-guess them.

Hoseok turned his head briefly, but continued until they reached the door of a room down the left side of the hall. “Plenty.” Opening the door, he led Changkyun into a showroom of sorts, the walls decorated almost entirely in paintings and portraits of various sizes. There were several showcases of some figurines, porcelain, and the like, but the room despite its size felt rather empty. Still, the amount of faces that bombarded Changkyun at once was like a wave. “I’d like you to meet my roommates. They’re fairly quiet people, so don’t expect any answers from them.” It was obvious that Hoseok was joking somewhat, but Changkyun was simply dumbfounded. He never anticipated a collection of this size. Then again, it’s not like he’d ever seen a collection of art or even met an artist in person before.

“There’s so many…” Changkyun let the words roll out of his mouth again. This time though, Hoseok seemed pleased by them.

The host led him around the room, commenting, “I’ve tried to capture the models’ identities in each painting. Their likeness, but also the one thing about them that is striking.” Stopping at one rather large painting for a woman leaning on a window sill, gazing outside with her bare backside exposed, he explained in detail. “You can tell that for a woman she’s not very curvacious. Her expression is hardened with eyes that don’t seem to be focused on a single thing but the vague glow peering in from the window. What do you think?”

As Hoseok glanced at the boy staring up at his work, Changkyun blinked and looked back and forth between the painting and the artist. While his host patiently waited, he surveyed the painting as a whole, his mind engulfed by the nude woman.

“I think… she’s very independent.” Changkyun started, his focus only on the painting before him. He stared at her expression, mouth hanging open as the proper words failed to pour out anymore. “It’s like this is just a passing moment… she seems so concerned with the future that she’s not aware of the present.”

A hand wrapped around his shoulder suddenly snapped Changkyun’s attention away from the woman. Hoseok gleamed as he stared up at the large piece and the ones surrounding it. “You likely won’t get that same feeling from another portrait here. This is how I bring out someone’s beauty.” He added, “Unlike all these other women, young and inexperienced, this lady had recently become a widow. Though you’d never guess she’d experienced such tragedy, because she ultimately seemed so… pleased. You know why that might be?”

“I’m not sure…” Changkyun’s voice trailed off, too invested into listening to the woman’s story.

“She revealed to me that her husband beat her habitually.” When Changkyun looked to him so quietly, surprised and speechless at such an intimate secret, Hoseok’s eyes remained on the widow. “She hated the poor bastard so much during his life that once he met his demise, she attained the future she had longed for. Once you’ve gotten something you’ve long coveted throughout your life, it leaves you with a certain emptiness.”

Changkyun was somewhat uncomfortable. What the man was saying was completely beyond him. He’d never experienced it himself, but as he stared at the taller man next to him he only wondered whether Hoseok had that feeling of emptiness too.

Pulling the boy closer next to him, Hoseok’s voice softened like an intoxicating persuasion. “It’s not a matter of whether you are already attractive or not. My painting will really show _what_ is beautiful, enticing, and mesmerizing about you.” Turning Changkyun around to face him, Hoseok stared straight into his eyes, completely serious with his words. “I want to embrace you as you really deserve, not poise you as some facade.”

Changkyun was frozen. He was caught in the mixture of intimidation and warmth that emanated off of this man. One second he was smiling and joking and the next he was swallowing the boy’s soul with merely his words. Some of those words escaped Changkyun, but he could feel the intent and meaning behind them just from the man’s eyes looking straight through him. It took him a moment, but after he took another glance at the woman in the painting, he faced Hoseok again and nodded. He was at a loss for words, though he thoroughly understood.

Hoseok smiled brightly again, his fingers slipping off the boy’s shoulders to his own sides. “Regardless, I’m sure you look handsome anyway.” He chimed and Changkyun became flustered all over again. He wasn’t used to such flattery, but he tried not to show his naivety to the man’s compliments. He’d have to get used to them quickly it seemed.

As Hoseok went around the room, turning on the lights adorning the walls for them both to see more clearly, Changkyun continued browsing through the paintings. He trailed down one longer wall covered from top to bottom, admiring the distinctiveness of each piece. They clearly had a connective style about them, but it was true that each person was just as enticing as the last. Until finally, he stopped in front of a large frame on the wall opposite the painting of the woman he first surveyed. The rest of this wall had nothing but the lights that lit the intricate wallpaper, the portrait before him taking up most of the space. If the golden frame wasn’t enough, the work itself was fairly extravagant. Jewels and copious fruits laid along the figure’s lap and arms, already decorated in the silky clothes draping over his body. His. Changkyun stared at the man in the portrait before him, his pursed, thick lips looking like they coveted the ability to tell him the secret that seemed to cloud the man’s mind. His eyes were large and soft and a large hat with one bright purple feather covered his hair, pulled into a braid that barely brushed the decorative items in his arms. He wasn’t holding any of the items but one: a small silver dagger encased in a glistening silver sheath bejeweled with what looked like rubies. It was almost hard to tell actually from how cracked the painting was becoming and Changkyun stepped in for a closer look at the details.

Hoseok pulled him back by the arm, startling the boy with his warning. “Don’t get too close or you’ll really get lost.” Though Hoseok was likely joking like usual, his empty stare as he viewed the painting along with Changkyun was odd.

“Did you paint this one too?” Changkyun asked in a quieter voice. It felt like he was somehow disturbing the man in this moment.

With his serene smile that intrigued Changkyun, Hoseok nodded. “A long time ago. It was one of my first larger-scale paintings and probably the first I really enjoyed…” His words sounded like he wanted to say much more, but Changkyun didn’t deserve those secrets yet. The only ones who’d know the real meaning behind this painting were Hoseok and the beautiful boy looking down on them both.

Changkyun scratched and held his arm. He glanced around the rest of the room, wondering how he’d look once the man was done and whether he’d be among these paintings as well. These were just a few more questions he’d add to the dozens already clouding his mind.

“Then if you don’t mind…” Hoseok started, leading them both out of the room. “I’d like to do a sketch of you for today.”

Changkyun didn’t expect to start so soon even though the man already told him exactly how this would all play out. Following along, they made their way back toward the drawing room, which Changkyun wouldn’t have even known to call it that had Hoseok not pointed out a few rooms along the way. He didn’t mind the culture of the bourgeoisie as long as it didn’t affect his own life negatively. It was common belief that these people were in worlds of their own and it definitely proved true the longer he was with this man. He was hardly envious of it though, for the only feeling Hoseok emanated now as Changkyun trailed behind him through this incredible house was seclusion.

Sitting Changkyun down in the couch again, Hoseok dug through the nearby desk. He pulled out some paper and pencils from a trunk next to it. With a sturdy board for support in hand, Hoseok pinned the paper by the edges and returned to the chair across from Changkyun. The boy meanwhile situated his hat back onto his head, trying to straighten out his shirt before realizing how tattered and stained it was from the tea earlier. He looked like a mess and was starting to doubt the necessity of a sketch today.

At least, he did until Hoseok glanced back up at him and reassured him. “Don’t worry about trying to look good, just relax.”

The boy was still trying to find a good position for his hat when he heard those words and paused. Pulling the hat off his head, he combed through his hair to straighten it out, pushing the shorter bangs to each side. “Is this okay?” He still wanted to verify that he wasn’t messing something up again.

“You’re fine.” Hoseok stated and held up the board in his lap, glancing between Changkyun sitting still in front of him and the drawing in his hands. It was very quiet for a while until Hoseok started small talk. “When did you move here?”

Changkyun looked up from the drawing board to the man’s eyes darting across the page, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He wasn’t sure if Hoseok would even really be listening, but he answered nonetheless. “Almost a year ago. But it took me several months to get through Asia and Europe before the ship even left… It wasn’t a very enjoyable trip.”

“You didn’t go eastward?” Hoseok mumbled, caught between conversing and sketching.

“I didn’t think it’d be any faster. I didn’t want to be on a ship for that long either…” Changkyun chuckled once before maintaining his expression. He didn’t want to make things difficult for the man during his process.

Hoseok was quiet for another minute before asking another question. He looked up at Changkyun this time and said, “You did construction before, you said? What happened with that.”

The boy blinked and looked toward the side of the room in embarrassment. “Some guys got into a fight with me…” It wasn’t a story he’d like to recall the details of, but at least it seemed like Hoseok was hardly paying attention now. “They blamed me for some mistake in the plans and I lost my patience. One guy pushed me and I pushed back and it escalated from there until…” He was cautious over his words and Hoseok’s eyes darted up to the boy, then back to the drawing. Pencil flicks sounded over the paper before Changkyun sighed and continued the story, “I punched him and he stumbled. He knocked over some bricks and they fell right on his head. He’s fine now, but they fired me after that because I was a ‘danger’ to the others.”

While Changkyun sat there disheartened by his own story, Hoseok pushed the pencil behind his own ear and looked up at the boy. “It’s not your entire fault, but you can’t help what’s happened in the past. Don’t spend your life regretting things.” There was a moment of silence between them where Changkyun was stunned the man was so understandable. Before he could utter his gratitude, the man turned the drawing around and showed it off to the boy.

Changkyun was awestruck. Leaning forward in his seat, he took a closer look at the spitting image of himself on that sheet of paper. It was just a sketch, but it was uncanny enough that Changkyun could’ve thought it was a photograph. “Amazing…” He whispered under his breath. Hoseok shaded the light on his face perfectly that his nose and eyes were clear. He sketched every strand of his black hair. The folds in his clothes and the details of his eyes were so fine despite their roughness.

“If only you’d smiled like that during the sketch, it would’ve been better.” Hoseok chimed and only then did Changkyun realize just how wide a grin stretched across his face. He didn’t think he’d appreciate a drawing so much, but having never been drawn before made this much more incredible to him.

Looking up from the drawing, Changkyun reached out a hand politely. “Could I hold it?” He asked, unsure of why he felt the need to hold it between his fingers so suddenly.

Hoseok was a bit surprised as well, but unclipped the edges and handed the loose paper toward the boy. He watched as Changkyun was mesmerized by the image in his hands. The boy traced his fingers over some of the lines and smiled again, causing Hoseok to lighten up as well.

“You can keep it if you’re so enamored. I’ll be making a lot more from now on, better ones.” Hoseok offered the sketch to the boy and Changkyun was clearly delighted. Though, he pushed the drawing back toward the man and shook his head.

“I just wanted to see it. You’re a wonderful artist.” Changkyun’s deep mumbling truly sounded like he was amazed at the man’s talents and it amused Hoseok to a few chuckles.

The man took the drawing back into his hands and stood up, holding a hand out. “Well then, I hope I won’t disappoint you for the next few months.” Changkyun followed suit and shook hands with the man, comforted yet again by his soft grip. “You can come in the evenings from now on, right?”

“Every day?” Changkyun inquired, hesitant about such frequent visits.

Hoseok nodded and gleamed, “I’ll need to do as many drawings and practice as much as I can before we really start. That’s why I’ll need you here as often as possible.”

Changkyun didn’t want to turn the man down, especially with how generous he seemed to be already, and simply nodded. He smiled slightly before Hoseok led him to the front door, going on about how much he was looking forward to tomorrow and how he’d have many more of his tools and supplies set up in advance. Now the pressure started to hit Changkyun, just how deeply involved he’d be with this job. It seemed like a bad idea in the back of his mind, but he ignored it and said his goodbyes. Once Hoseok had bid him farewell, the boy trailed to his own shabby apartment across town.

It wasn’t necessarily the slums, but it was hardly any better. Changkyun’s tenement was tiny and filled with at least eight other people, but he wasn’t sure because he never really talked to them. He didn’t even like being in that god-forsaken room any more than he had to for meals and sleep, so it wouldn’t have been surprising if none of the other tenants knew his name. The boy entered the worn-down room and lied down in his ‘bed’. Really, he slept on some blankets atop the only trunk he brought with him from his old home, filled to the brim with all of his clothes, photographs, and books. Unlike a majority of the people he roomed with, he took a great interest in reading and other intellectual aspirations. He grew up in such an environment after all.

But now that was all in the past. Taking off his clothes, he curled up under a sheet and ignored the loud commotion throughout the halls and alleyways. He’d usually wear the same outfit a few days in a row, but he needed to be presentable if he were to find another job at another construction site or mill or anything tomorrow. The prospects of a huge payoff from Hoseok’s painting were promising indeed, but he also needed a source of income quickly. His hunger and housing couldn’t just wait several months until he was finally paid by the man. Closing his eyes, he allowed the odd circumstances of the day to settle into his body and mind completely.


	2. Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The moon like a flower  
> In heaven's high bower,  
> With silent delight  
> Sits and smiles on the night."

The autumn breeze felt heaven-sent on Changkyun’s hot skin. He’d managed to get a job with a construction firm after his third attempt begging around downtown but he didn’t catch any breaks during his first day. As the newbie to the crew, all the grunt work was thrust upon him and he was stuck even later than most of his coworkers. As he headed uptown, his legs ached from their constant use throughout the day and his stomach growled from the lunch he didn’t get and the dinner he was about to miss in order to meet with Hoseok. Missing one day’s worth of food was fine, he told himself repeatedly with every moan from his gut. The only saving grace was the cool, clean evening air rushing over him the closer he came to the humble mansion where his other boss resided.

The sun had barely moved past the skyscrapers in the distance by the time the boy had arrived to Hoseok’s house. He knocked on the door and looked around the street behind him as he waited for an answer. He wasn’t sure he ever saw anyone walking around this neighborhood, but this was doubly true at night. You certainly had to be careful in nighttime, but the area was so beautifully lit and maintained even in the crisp evenings it was a wonder no one was out enjoying that momentary luxury.

His head snapped back around to the front door opening at the sound of a click and creaking hinges. Changkyun smiled politely while Hoseok greeted him with giddy anticipation.

“You look terrible.” Hoseok laughed and opened the door widely for him to enter. “Do come in. I’ve been anxious to get started.”

Changkyun felt bitter about his comments. Obviously he looked terrible, he’d just worked nearly ten hours digging holes, securing metal beams into place, and mixing concrete by hand. Though, he didn’t want to let Hoseok know he had gotten another job alongside modeling for him, so he’d kept quiet and let him think what he wanted. Entering the house again, he was even more bewitched by the beautiful lights and chandelier lit fully and brightening the foyer. The lacquered wooden railings of the stairs glowed with a new warmth under the brightness, the marble floor so clean it reflected nearly every crystal of the chandelier above.

The boy’s mouth was hung wide open until Hoseok joked, “Don’t drool all over the floor please.” As the man turned away toward the drawing room, Changkyun wiped his mouth with his sleeve just in case. Still, he blushed slightly from embarrassment.

Changkyun joined the man in the drawing room with equal splendor as the foyer. The detailing on the wallpaper, the rug, and even in the framing of the furniture around the room really shone under the lights. The fireplace remained unlit and Changkyun felt relief at that. After such a tiring and hot day the last thing he wanted to do was warm up in front of a fire.

Hoseok was across the room, rummaging through his trunk of supplies for something. There was an awkward moment of Changkyun standing around next to the couch instead of sitting in it, waiting for Hoseok’s direction first. Instead, the man focused on setting up, putting his drawing board onto an easel and laying out his utensils onto a ledge below. Pulling a small blade and a stick of charcoal out from the pile, Hoseok started shaving an edge into the charcoal, then sharpened a few pencils. He only gave the fidgety boy attention just before he was ready to start.

“Sit however you’d like.” The man’s soothing voice gave Changkyun a chill. The boy nodded like a hesitant child, shuffling his feet toward the couch next to him and plopping down into the cushion. Moving his fingers through his hair, he pushed some strands away from his face, wiping a bit of dirt he realized was still stuck to his cheek, and eyed the man behind the easel. Hoseok smiled in a comforting way, a heavy breath leaving Changkyun with much needed ease. Changkyun smiled back with a bit of trouble. He couldn’t help showing he was still nervous.

Situating himself into a more comfortable position, Changkyun thought over how best to present himself. Finally, he settled on the arm of the couch next to him, leaning onto a few different spots until he found the right one.

Bringing his other arm across his lap, Changkyun debated over whether to cross his legs or not until the artist clarified, “You won’t need to worry about the waist-down. I’ll just be doing busts for now.” Changkyun mouthed an ‘oh’ and uncrossed his legs, almost instantly crossing them one last time. This was more comfortable, he convinced himself. Hoseok chuckled as the pencil started scratching across the page. “You don’t need to be so nervous, really. I’m just getting a feel for your face and expressions for the next few days.” Holding up the stick of charcoal and wiggling it for Changkyun to see, he added, “Grime and all…” before focusing almost entirely on the sketching process.

It was quiet for a long time. Hoseok’s eyes moved between his piece and his subject, who found it pretty easy to relax amidst the silence. Changkyun anticipated the end result; to see his face perfectly replicated at the hands of such a talented man. As he waited for that blissful moment, he focused instead on the only other person in the room. If the lights really illuminated anything so wonderfully, it was Hoseok himself.

Unlike many of the upper classes he’d seen roaming around town, Hoseok was much more muscular and brawny. He wore tailored, high-waisted pants that slimmed his waist, but his chest and arms stretched out much of the shirt and suspenders hanging across his body. Though it wasn’t an image that was idealized much, Changkyun could hardly say the man wasn’t attractive. It was his gentle face however that really captivated him. Hoseok’s lips when he wasn’t smiling were round and plush, his focused eyes a vortex that sucked Changkyun in if he stared into them too long. As he thought of them again, he gazed at those eyes now glistening sharp from the glow around the room. His preoccupied expression that both ignored Changkyun’s presence and completely acknowledged him really mesmerized the boy. It was a great wonder just what was behind that focused face.

Changkyun’s gazing was interrupted when his stomach howled in hunger. Squeezing his arm against his lap closer toward his gut, his face went red as he hoped his host didn’t hear such an embarrassing sound.

Unfortunately, the room was too quiet and it was almost too clear to Hoseok’s ears. Hiding his laughter behind the drawing board, Hoseok peeked over the top at the boy. “Are you hungry? I can get you something to tide you over.” Changkyun could tell the man was trying to stifle some more laughter as he set his tools down.

The boy didn’t want to put him to the trouble, so he rejected the offer. “I’ll be fine. Just focus on your work.” Hoseok seemed adamant to get something in his stomach, but nodded and returned to his sketches. Now Changkyun just had to be careful that he didn’t let his body betray him again for the rest of the session.

It had been what felt like hours and several sheets of drawings laid onto the table beside Hoseok before the man finally put down his pencils and gathered the drawings together. Changkyun had shifted position a few times throughout the sitting, struggling with every movement to mask the noises his gut made in resistance. Hoseok checked a clock sitting atop the mantle of the fireplace, looking back to the boy in surprise.

“I’m amazed you’re still awake. It’s nearly midnight.” The man smirked as he unraveled his sleeves. “I hope that means you’re already adjusted to the late hours this job ensues…” He joked as he finished up.

Changkyun blinked and stood on his feet, stretching his limbs as the exhaustion really hit him. There were plenty of times he felt like he was about to nod off surely, but he thought that’d be rude for his first day. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure what proper model behavior was and just settled for keeping quiet and doing the bare minimum to interrupt Hoseok during his work. It was a challenging job.

The challenge only grew harder with each passing day. Changkyun would wake up in the early morning, head to his work downtown, then immediately meet up with Hoseok at his mansion for hours into the night. Usually the two would finish their sessions before it turned onto the next day, but there were some gruelling exceptions. Some days Changkyun got back so late he skipped his breakfast, the only meal he ate lately, in favor of more sleep. He couldn’t afford to be tired at either job, but this near-daily routine was draining on his body.

After barely a week, it had gotten to the point where Hoseok began to notice a few odd signs from the other. Until now they’d moved around the house several times to different places and positions to work with throughout the week, Changkyun thankful that today was another sitting day. His legs felt so tired after the amount of hauling he started at the building site today. Once Changkyun had entered the house again however, Hoseok led him to a guest room he’d never seen until now. The room was filled with beautiful furniture of course, but Hoseok immediately moved toward the wardrobe against the wall in a corner of the room. This was the first day, Hoseok claimed, that he’d be drawing Changkyun in some finer clothes.

“I don’t know why you always show up so dirty, but for now I want to try focusing on your features. I think some of these clothes might help them stand out.” The man pulled out a silk, lavender dress shirt and some grey, tailored high-waisted pants. The clothes did smell a bit strange as Changkyun held them in his hands, like they had been locked away in this room for years untouched, but they nonetheless were higher quality than the tattered, sweaty pieces on his back. “Clean up in the washroom down the hall and meet me back here. Then we’ll start.” Hoseok’s smile and soothing voice was serene and enticing on the boy’s ears. Though Changkyun didn’t really want to impose on the man, he convinced himself that this was more of a demand from an employer than a friendly offer. Besides, he did clearly say he was always dirty, and the boy frowned at that. Those weren’t necessarily ‘friendly’ words either.

It felt somewhat wrong to undress and get into this man’s bathtub all of a sudden. Hanging the nicer clothes off the side of the sink, Changkyun undressed and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was covered in dirt, more than even he anticipated, and his hands and nails were scratched and covered in dust. Changkyun knew he didn’t look great coming straight from the construction site, but at least now as he got a good look at himself he could somewhat understand the richer man’s response. He stepped back and looked at his waist, realizing just how skinny he had gotten within the last few months. This week of starvation and overtime definitely didn’t help either. The boy looked away and started running water in the tub instead, preferring to ignore his smaller frame that was ready to break at any moment.

As he took a washcloth and scrubbed the dirt off his body in the tub, Hoseok’s jokes about how dirty he always looked ran through his head the cleaner his skin became. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t be spotless and beautifully pale like the people Hoseok was surrounded by. He scoffed, bubbles erupting from his mouth under the water. Hoseok and the upper classes like him were just ignorant, full of their own enriched air. Everyone Changkyun knew was always covered in a mix of browns and blacks, smoke and ash filling their lungs. And even sometimes, red…

Changkyun scrubbed the dirt off even harder. His skin became red with irritation, but it quickly faded as he sat in the tub, basking in the refreshing water now lined with dirt. He could stay in here all night if he didn’t need to continue his survival the next day. Finally dunking his head into the water, he came back up and combed his pruned fingers through his soaked hair. The drain was removed and the water was swallowed up into the drain with a long gurgle. The sound echoed against the tile for some time as the boy dried off his body and tried on the clothes. The blouse was pretty loose with a low cut despite being buttoned to the top, his chest easily peeking through. The pants also seemed a little too big, but he could manage for the next few hours. Glancing back once more at the mirror, he grinned at how clearly his face reflected and how the purple tones of Hoseok’s shirt shimmered under the lights. He actually liked how he looked now, but that was probably the effects of having a pleasant bath more than anything.

Rubbing the damp towel through his hair, he straightened out the loose strands and returned to the guest room. Changkyun had known that Hoseok would be there getting his things ready, but coming back to the scene of that man sitting right next to the bed had made the boy somewhat flustered. Noting the easel before him, the boy started to catch on to where he’d have to pose and he was quite bashful to say the least.

Hoseok perked up from the desk chair he’d moved over to use during the session. With a glint in his eye, he looked the boy up and down, complementing the great difference from a simple bath and change of clothes. “Those clothes really suit you well, I’m glad.” He smiled brightly, his eyes disappearing so sweetly that Changkyun felt a bit more comfortable about the oncoming sitting. Turning back to sharpening his pencils, the man looked so pleased. “I was worried they wouldn’t fit well since they’re so old, but they look fine. That’s a relief since I wanted to give them to you for your help.”

The boy was taken aback. “Keep them? What… these clothes?” Changkyun shook his head and smiled, for some reason unbeknownst to him. “I can’t, I don’t know what I would do with them…”

“Enough with the pretense, I can tell you like them.” Hoseok chuckled and glanced his way, then toward the bed. “You can accept gifts sometimes you know. Now, are you ready to begin?” He pointed his hand toward the bed, calling the boy over. “Lay down however you’d like.”

Changkyun eyed the bed, hesitation overcoming him again. Shuffling over, the boy climbed onto the mattress, the expensive linens moving beneath him for probably the first time in years. They carried that similar abandoned smell the clothes also had. The bed was so large and cozy it was like sitting on a cloud compared to what Changkyun had become accustomed to in the past year.

Situating himself onto the side nearest Hoseok, the boy lied down onto his side facing the man. He stretched out his legs, unsure of where to place his arms without feeling awkward. Settling for one over his hip and the other limp next to him on the pillow, he breathed in and looked to the artist. Changkyun just wasn’t used to lounging for a pose yet, even though he’d done it once or twice already in the drawing room. Though those times were different; they were on a couch. This was a highly expensive and comfortable bed, in a private bedroom, owned by another man. Specifically, it was the man beginning to sketch the boy on his bed. Changkyun’s eyes avoided him. Now most of all he felt that strange tension as he began his hours-long sitting. There was a heightened sense of intimacy from posing on this man’s bed, in his clothes, for the man to use as reference for his art. Though he didn’t want to let Hoseok in on that lingering tension and kept his mouth shut.

This was probably the biggest mistake on Changkyun’s part that night. Laying on such a cushiony bed in a single pose and soft clothes, the boy started to feel himself drifting off. His eyes fluttered between consciousness, fingers twitching every time he woke himself up. This caught Hoseok’s eyes finally after a few occurrences.

Putting his pencil down and leaning closer into sight, his voice startled Changkyun awake. “You can sleep some if you’d like. I’ll just finish my drawings while you do.”

Changkyun motioned to rub his eyes awake, as dry as they were, but paused when Hoseok motioned for him to stop. Unwilling to ruin the man’s drawing, Changkyun lied there limp, exhaustion almost immediately washing over him again.

It was like he’d blinked, only rested his eyes for a mere minute or two, when sunlight peeked through the curtains onto Changkyun’s face. After a moment to collect his thoughts, realizing just how long he’d been passed out, the boy shot up. A quilt fell off of his body, still sore from his work the day before. Work. Changkyun yelled out a swear and jumped out of bed, scrambling around for his clothes that were missing. Realizing the easel and drawings and his host were gone as well, he motioned toward the door when it suddenly opened. Speak of the devil, Hoseok stood in the doorway, surprised that the boy was awake.

“I was just coming to check on you--”

“What time is it?!” Changkyun shouted and rushed past him toward the bathroom. His clothes had to be in there.

Hoseok followed along in curiosity. “It’s a quarter ‘til ten, why?”

Changkyun groaned at both the fact he was nearly four hours late to work and the fact that his clothes were still nowhere to be found. Rushing out of the bathroom, the boy paused when Hoseok stood in his path, his bigger body a substantial obstacle for his sudden erratic behavior. 

“Why are you in such a rush? You looked so peaceful last night.” Hoseok’s soft voice usually calmed Changkyun’s nerves, but his anxiety was already at its peak.

Changkyun glared at the other man and huffed. “I wasn’t supposed to sleep here all night!” He was a decibel away from shouting. “I don’t have time to waste, I have to get to work. Where are my clothes?”

Hoseok’s eyes widened as he showed an expression Changkyun didn’t expect. It wasn’t rage per se, but the sudden piercing gaze the man sent him left a similar impression. “Work?  _ This _ is your job. Are you telling me you have another job during the day?”

He could feel the betrayal in the man’s voice, but Changkyun stood his ground. “Yes, okay? I have other work because I need money sooner than you can pay me.” When Hoseok frowned at that, Changkyun looked away. “Please, just give me my clothes.”

“Money is it?” Hoseok scoffed, baffled at the boy’s explanation. “If it’s money you need then just tell me, I have plenty I can lend you in advance!”

Changkyun ignored him. “Where are my clothes?”

“Just use the ones I gave you.”

“I don’t need your charity!” The boy shouted and finally glared at Hoseok. He’d lost his patience and took it out on him.

Though, Hoseok didn’t let up either. “Fine. I washed them last night after I finished drawing you. They should be dry in the kitchen downstairs.” When Changkyun moved past him and sped down the stairs, Hoseok followed. “I can understand you don’t want to be pitied and I don’t think you’re helpless!” He shouted after him. “I just think overworking yourself like that is foolish and unnecessary!”

The boy stopped at the top of the stairs and spun around, fuming. “Unnecessary?! I’m barely scraping by because I have that job and if I didn’t I would end up dead!” He scoffed and looked Hoseok up and down. “I have to work my ass off every day from sunrise to sunset. I sweat and I bleed just to make it. You? You sit around here and do whatever pleases you, staying up all night for drawings and paintings because you can afford to. People like you, people only interested in themselves and their own wants, could never understand.” Biting his lip, Changkyun gripped the railing of the stairs and stepped down them, his back to Hoseok. “The only foolish thing I’ve done is agree to be your model.”

Hoseok was frozen as the boy vented, allowing his words to hit him no matter how cruel they might’ve been. He watched him until the end of the stairs, until he disappeared into the kitchen, before chasing after. Once he heard the ruffling of clothes from the room, he paused and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall and calling out to the empty foyer instead. “Just because it’s something you wanted, something you liked, it’s stupid?”

Changkyun came out, changed into his clothes from yesterday. Passing by without a single glance at the man, he replied with a tired mumble. “I can’t afford to do this, that’s why.”

Before he could open the door, Hoseok reached out and stopped him. His grip was surprisingly strong, but what else should Changkyun have expected. The man looked him in the eyes, his determination evident. “Then why don’t you just stay here, with me?”

The boy’s body was stiff, his fretting nerves still jumpy in the man’s fingers, but his body wouldn’t move. He felt the need to get out and head to work, to his everyday routine, though the man’s offer was inherently tempting.

Hoseok softened his hold on the boy, his voice lowering into a near-whisper. “I’ve chosen you for my work. You, Changkyun. I just don’t want you to put your health in jeopardy.” His fingers chilled the boy’s arm while all the blood rushed to his chest. Hoseok let go after a moment and smiled. “What would I do if something happened to my model?”

For some reason, those last words struck the wrong chord in Changkyun. The boy pulled away with a sneer of disappointment in his face. Pulling on the heavy door handle, he cut himself off from the man. “I’ve got to go. I’m late.”

Changkyun knew what he was saying and doing was rude considering the man’s hospitality yet he still couldn’t wholly trust him so easily. Sure, Hoseok offered a place for him to stay and a way for him to earn money, but for how long? Hoseok only saw him as his newest model, not some dependant. He glanced back once as he turned down the street, though saw nothing but the front of the cracked building. Making his way toward the building site with some trouble, he eventually found himself at his day job again. He’d spoken with the boss already and apologized profusely, practically offering himself to some intense overtime for his lateness this morning. It wasn’t easy work, especially with how hungry he had been, but it was better after having some decent rest for once. Though he spited Hoseok for letting him sleep without any concern for what he wanted, the boy found himself debating between whether that was harmless and for his own good or just blissful ignorance. Every time he thought that Hoseok was only looking out for him, Changkyun immediately reminded himself that the man only cared because he was his model. If he looked horrible or unwell then his painting would look even worse. In Changkyun’s reality, Hoseok was just being naive and selfish. The painting was the only thing that really mattered, not Changkyun himself.

Still, he couldn’t help but think of the man’s words. They sounded so sweet and rich, smoothly engulfing his body like the silky clothes he’d enjoyed that night. Changkyun shook his head as he helped move some bricks up another level. That’s all they were; pretty words only to make him feel good for some time. They did him no good in the long run. Hoseok probably wouldn’t either.

The boy’s mind had become so entirely clouded with doubt that Changkyun inevitably skipped their session scheduled for that same evening. He had been with him all night anyway, so it would’ve been fine. After a break he’d go back, pretend like they never even got into a fight and just finish the job. He could deal with the tension knowing their acquaintance would last only a couple more months. After that he’d be out of Hoseok’s mind, the two back in their own separate worlds.

Changkyun went home for the night instead, exhausted from overtime. The sourness in his mind and ache in his stomach lingered on as he knowingly passed up his other job for the time being. He was starving after the day’s hard work, but passed on any dinner either. He’d lost his appetite the second he walked out that door. It took him a while to ignore the guilt infecting his conscience as well as the loud bickering in his tenement, but he eventually found solace in some sleep for the night.

Waking up before even the sun, Changkyun sighed and got ready for another laborious day. His appetite wasn’t any better, though he knew he had to eat  _ something _ for today. Settling on some bread hardly kept from spoiling, he sat on his makeshift bed, listening to the commotion of his neighbors getting up and spilling into the city streets. Changkyun recalled how he woke up just the day before in a luxurious bed and finely woven clothes. Only the sunshine acted as his wake up call, delicate about such a process, while that beautiful room was the first thing he’d seen. If he had just slept a little longer, he wondered if perhaps Hoseok would have entered and woken him up. In that case, that ethereal man might’ve been the first thing he’d seen that day and maybe he would have been less cruel to him. 

Changkyun frowned. The cycle of pleasant thoughts turning to curses and regrets started again. Unwilling to satisfy that dilemma any longer, Changkyun ignored the matter altogether. He’d opened his trunk and put away his blankets and pillow. Underneath his linens and some clothes he spotted his collection of books. The boy had to leave plenty behind when he moved to this country, but he kept some of his favorites; all printed in Korean which made him feel good to read now that he’d been away so long. He graced his fingers over the spines, wishing with hopelessness how he could have some time again to read them. This feeling of homesickness and warmth resurfaced from just looking at the titles engraved into the sides. Instantly he remembered Hoseok’s voice as he spoke to him in his native language the day they’d first met and how welcoming and warm that felt.

Changkyun closed the trunk and locked it. He had just decided to not think about Hoseok and their previous scuffle for the rest of the day and already his mind wandered back to the man. It really annoyed him how easily his thoughts had betrayed him. The boy managed to distract himself by the time he started work, focusing solely on the measuring and sawing and heavy lifting he had to do so early in the morning. The sun blazed hotter in the afternoon without a single breeze to cool the people in the city, Changkyun included. Wiping some sweat from his brow with the back of his arm, he walked back down toward the pile of wood he had to lug to the second floor. His mouth was dry and his stomach ached for some sustenance, but he had to get this task done before he could take a break. Carrying a few extra planks in his arms, Changkyun started up the stairs again for the eighth time. The repetitive motion had become exhausting but also incredibly numbing. Having become more and more dull to each step in sequence, his mind wandered elsewhere; inevitably, he thought back to the walk toward Hoseok’s house.

He thought of stepping up that beautiful staircase again and toward the guest room. Opening the door, he saw the man across the room sitting in a chair before his easel. Hoseok looked up and smiled and Changkyun’s heart dropped. Not because of the memory mixed into a daydream, but because his body felt like it was suspended in that hot air. Changkyun had practically nodded off enough from exhaustion and hunger, mind lost in that mansion instead of the building he was in the middle of working on and his foot slipped. He’d misstepped for one second and fell back, a wind hitting his back until the ground stopped him. The wind was knocked out of him in a second, the harsh ground a quick wake-up call to his little distractions. His fall was from high enough ground that his back was teeming with numbed pain, but he luckily hadn’t hit his head too hard on the way down. Changkyun probably would’ve gotten off with some soreness and bruising on his back and leg, but the worst blow came seconds later, when the few planks he had been carrying had come crashing down onto his arm extended across the ground. 

Two or three flew down on the skin, crushing the bone and muscle beneath. The end of one had landed straight on some of the boy’s fingers, the cracking loud and clear as he helplessly watched them bend in ways he knew they weren’t supposed to. Changkyun howled in pain for a moment, then held his breath and his arm close to his chest. He couldn’t move the fingers on his right hand and the slightest twitches were so painful. Some blood spilled out onto the ground from somewhere he didn’t know or have the right mind to even think about. He was curled up on the ground when a few guys came over and helped him up. After some brief care to his hand, the men left for their own work and Changkyun was approached by his boss. He knew he messed up, expected a scolding for the wood he’d ruined, but didn’t think that this injury was enough to be fired for like he suddenly was. His boss needed someone to work and had no time or money to cover the boy’s injury. Besides, Changkyun was just some new kid to the crew that no one even really knew. It didn’t matter if he left. The man left him with some cheapened, emotionless words of pity and farewells to which Changkyun bit his tongue. He knew he couldn’t fight back to keep this job when he couldn’t even move his hand. Instead, he held his hand close, wrapped poorly by his left, and walked home. At least, he told himself, he’d gotten his pay right away, so the boy’s actual reaction was much delayed.

It wasn’t until well into the evening, when Changkyun had found himself lying in his bed for hours in agony that tears finally came. He was angry and hurt; two awful feelings he rarely felt hitting him all at once. Moreover, he felt frustrated at himself, at how he’d just done exactly what Hoseok had worried about. His stupid carelessness had gotten himself hurt and now he put both jobs at risk. He didn’t even want to think of what Hoseok’s reaction might be like once he found out. The boy had already missed a session and to show up in terrible pain with a disgusting hand… now he wasn’t sure if he could even face the man again. He couldn’t bare to see the disgusted look on his face as he shamed Changkyun’s mistake, right before he’d berate him and fire him as well. He’d probably look for a new model. Changkyun thought about these awful scenarios over and over again until finally it sounded like the bitter truth in his head. Hoseok might as well get a new model anyway. It’s not like they started the actual painting, so the man still had plenty of time to find someone new. He could easily find someone more attractive and uninjured. It would be best if Changkyun just never returned to that mansion, never let Hoseok know how the man was right and that he was broken now. So the boy slept, convinced that there was no longer any reason for him to go back to Hoseok now.


	3. Stilleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Farewell, green fields and happy groves,  
> Where flocks have took delight.  
> Where lambs have nibbled, silent moves  
> The feet of angels bright;"

It had been at least two or three days since Changkyun was fired. He needed to find a job soon, but he could hardly will himself to leave that god-forsaken room. Aside from scrounging up some food every now and again, the boy was trapped in a deep-seated melancholy. His hand wasn’t any better and he could hardly even think of visiting a proper doctor. He wasn’t quite willing to sacrifice the rest of his rent on someone who might not even help.

For once the room was dead quiet. It was the end of the week and his roommates had all gone out to enjoy their free time while it lasted. Changkyun was lying on his trunk, right arm lying limp next to him while he stared up at the ceiling. Glancing at the bloodied strip of cloth wrapped around his hand, the boy eventually willed himself up. With a struggle, he wiggled the lid of his trunk open, dropping it closed and wincing in pain when he’d exerted too much strength in his arm. He breathed through some grunts and sat on the floor motionless. Moving his good hand through his hair, he pushed the sweat back. It was too damn hot in this room.

Head feeling heavy, the boy rested his forehead on the edge of the trunk, the coolness of the leather soothing on his skin. He probably would’ve fallen asleep right then and there had there not been a knock on the door. Resistant to answering right away, fearing it might be someone sketchy here for one of his roommates, Changkyun remained seated, still against his bed. When the knocking came again and again without any yelling or fussing, he finally lifted his head. Looking to the doorway, Changkyun stood up, holding his arm behind him carefully to hide the injury. Opening the door with a crack, Changkyun’s eyes lit up in shock. Hoseok stood there clearly on the other side, dressed finely from head to toe. He unconsciously opened the door more, but remembered his arm and hid it more from view, looking straight to the floor instead. He didn’t quite have the heart to be a complete jerk and slam the door in his face.

“How did you find me?” Changkyun muttered, guilt washing over him all over again.

Hoseok sighed, “I asked around, but does that matter? You haven’t come to see me in days.” The man spoke softly and made Changkyun feel worse about his negligence. “I gave you time to have on your own, to sort out your thoughts, but you haven’t even contacted me since that morning.” He stepped closer toward the door, trying to get a better look at the other who hardly looked up at him. “I’m worried you’re still angry at me. So I stopped by.” He looked toward the room behind Changkyun, “May I come in?”

Changkyun was indecisive. He’d already convinced himself that he was no use to Hoseok, that he’d never have the gall to look him in the eye again. Though he helplessly opened the door wider, stepping aside to lead him in. When the man hardly moved, he nodded more clearly and replied more politely, “Alright, come in.” Holding his hand behind his back as the man stepped through and took a brief look around, Changkyun held face despite the sharp pangs of pain shooting up his arm. He smiled through it, embarrassed by his accommodations now that the tailored man strolled inside.

“I’ll get right to the point.” Hoseok faced away, stopped before Changkyun’s bed like he knew it belonged to the boy. “I’m sorry for what I had said. I didn’t mean to offend you but I fear my ignorance had done it for me.” Changkyun’s body softened up when he heard those words. Hoseok turned and noticed how strange the boy was acting, but didn’t ask him about it yet. “I want you to come back, I still want you to model for me.”

Changkyun’s smile fell off his face. He bit his lip and stared at his feet. “I don’t think I can…” He wasn’t angry at Hoseok anymore, just shameful and his wary voice showed it. “I need to keep a real job, make real money.” He was only speaking half-truths to cover for himself. In a way, he was still trying to convince himself as well that this was the decision he wanted.

“I  _ will _ pay you, though!” Hoseok lit up and grinned, trying to convince him further. “I’ll provide you with whatever you need, so you shouldn’t have to worry about that. I mean it, you can stay at my house for as long as you’d like.” His eyes peered deeply at Changkyun, baiting the boy to look back at him at least once. “I don’t want you there just for the sake of the painting, I just don’t want you to be so burdened.”

Hoseok reached out and gripped onto the boy’s shoulders, the pain piercing. Changkyun’s wincing surprised Hoseok who now looked more concerned than ever. Changkyun rushed to make up more excuses. “I don’t think… I don’t need to trouble you anymore than I have.” He shut his eyes and held in the numbing pain coursing through his arm. “You don’t need to be so generous to me.”

“Why don’t I? Because you don’t want to be pitied?” Hoseok’s voice was stern, his brows furrowed. He stepped back and commanded the boy, “Show me your arm.” Changkyun cringed at the man’s demands. He expected him to find out at any moment, but still fretted showing the injury to the man. With hesitation, he pulled his arm out from behind his back and held it up to his chest. The boy’s face squinched in pain, feeling regret over not changing the makeshift bandages. Not like he could’ve anticipated having to show his mangled, bloody hand to the one person he didn’t want to see it.

Changkyun gulped. “It was an accident. You warned me about this, right?” He tried to laugh it off, but in all honesty he was frightened. “I should’ve listened, I’m sorry. I’m so stupid, you should just get a new mo--”

The boy’s breath was lured out of his heavy chest when Hoseok pressed his body to his own. It took Changkyun a moment before realizing he was being held in Hoseok’s arms, the man’s tears dripping onto his shirt. Why was he suddenly crying?

“Why won’t you realize you’re worth more than this?” Hoseok whispered with a shaky breath, his hands digging into the boy’s back. “Would you let yourself die because you feel you don’t deserve even the breaths you take?”

Changkyun flinched under his grasp, his heart sinking at Hoseok’s sad questions. He wanted to respond, to wiggle out of the man’s hold on him, but he just stood there and absorbed it all. “I just… can’t help you anymore.” His lips brushed against Hosoek’s shoulder as he spoke, lowering his head and shutting his eyes tight to hide from the other’s eyes. The scent emanating off the man was so welcoming, the boy nearly wished he could stay close to him like this a lot longer.

“Can’t, or won’t?” Hoseok pulled back and reached out for Changkyun’s injured arm. Holding it gently in his hands, he held back more tears. Peeling the cloth off his skin, the air stinging Changkyun until he bit his lip to hold in any whines, Hoseok took a closer look at the injury. There were wounds that were almost still open, rings and splotches of blacks and purples across the wrist and forearm. His fingers were hardly any better, showing signs of fracturing and shattering across several bones. “Let me just take care of you for now.” Hoseok’s voice remained hushed, his focus on the awful sight in his hands. As Hoseok traced some of the disfigured marks with his fingers delicately, Changkyun wondered if there was even anything he  _ could _ do other than cutting the whole thing off. This was the biggest fear the boy had had all this time, and being moments away from admitting to that as the answer made his chest twist in knots.

Looking around, Hoseok left the room toward the nearest bathroom. He returned moments later with a wet rag, taking Changkyun’s hand back into his own and began to wipe the dirt and blood off. It hurt like crazy and it took all of the boy’s strength to not recoil in pain, but it did start to look a bit better. Despite the man’s care, a few gashes opened up more and blood began pooling in the cuts. Hoseok hesitated, his hands somewhat more shaky as he tossed the dirty rag aside and reached into his coat pocket. Pulling out a clean handkerchief, he slowly wrapped it around the boy’s hand and forced a relieved smile.

“This won’t help much, but it’ll do for now. I can clean it up better with some real bandages and stitching at home.” He glanced up at Changkyun who shied away at the proposal. Before the boy could give any more excuses, he pulled him over toward the trunk, sitting Changkyun down on top. Kneeling in front of him, Hoseok held both his hands and looked up at him, making it impossible for him to escape his gaze now. “I know you want to do the painting, somewhere behind all that pride you still want to see it finished.” He sighed and thumbed over the other’s fingers, switching suddenly to the boy’s first language. “You can open up to me a little, I can accept you no matter what you think must be hidden from the rest of the world. Whether it means just healing your hand or easing your mind. I want you to do what makes you happy, no matter what you think may stop you or scare you.” It took a moment, but finally Hoseok flashed him that genuine, warm smile of his again and laughed with glossy eyes. “I’ll take that means you’ll come with me?”

Changkyun’s eyelids fluttered amidst the tears that escaped him. He was crying and Hoseok clearly saw it. Before they could roll down his reddened cheeks, he pulled his hand back and wiped them away, sniffling and groaning in frustration. He couldn’t believe how easily this man won him over, or better yet that he pulled such an emotional response out of Changkyun. Nodding to his question with caution, he stood up and looked straight at his mangled arm. “Only because I need to take care of this…”

Hoseok stood as well, his smile practically glowing as he put his arm around Changkyun and guided him toward the door. “I’ll send for your things tomorrow then. Right now we should just deal with your injury.” He looked to the boy’s arm with concern, but delight still seemed to radiate off of him. In a way, it felt like the man was incredibly relieved, and somehow it took effect on Changkyun too. He began to feel at ease the longer they headed down the stairs, Hoseok by his side through every ounce of shooting pain. They took a carriage back to the mansion, Changkyun watching the buildings transition from rickety, overcrowded buildings to refined, spacious houses in wonder the entire time. The cool breeze from the openness of the carriage hit his face so desperately, his body craving more the moment they stopped in front of Hoseok’s home.

Hoseok stepped out first, offering Changkyun a helping hand and paying off the driver. The boy shuffled along behind him into the building, the heat of the night doing little to make him feel comfortable back in this place. As soon as he stepped inside, the once beautiful glow of the lights and the chandelier now seemed to hurt his eyes. The boy paused at the entrance, Hoseok turning back once he realized he wasn’t following along any more.

“Do you mind if I rest for the night? I’m feeling a little tired…” Changkyun’s voice was strained through his request, though Hoseok understood. Leading him up toward the guest room they’d used days prior, Hoseok helped him onto the bed as to not hurt his hand either. Changkyun held his hand to his forehead to clear the sweat off when he realized just how hot he was. Sounding like a parched man in a desert, Changkyun asked, “Could you leave the window open? It’s so hot.”

Hoseok did so, though moved toward the bed right after, getting a better look at him. His face was still red and he was sweating like mad. Changkyun’s mouth hung open as he breathed in large breaths into his dry throat, a few winces of pain leaving him with every other exhale. Hoseok looked concerned as he left the room. “I’ll get you some water.”

Changkyun was sure the man kept true to his word and returned with a glass of water, but he’d passed out much sooner than that, the decorative ceiling the last thing he remembered that night.

 

Shivering from a strong breeze entering the room through the window, Changkyun was stirred from his sleep. The setting sun seeped in through the window, beams of light spreading across the walls and floor brighter than any fixture normally had. The boy rubbed his eyes and sat up in the bed, flinching in some pain as he put pressure on his injury. Looking at his arm in question, he was stunned at the sight of it wrapped up in layers of clean, white bandages. Some of the stitching over his gashes peeked through the fabric as he brought it closer to his face in disbelief. Did Hoseok do this while he was passed out? Changkyun suddenly wondered just how deep of a sleep had he been in for the man to take care of him so meticulously.

Speaking of, Hoseok was nowhere to be found now that he was awake. Looking all around the room there was hardly any sign he’d even been there. Changkyun slipped his legs, stiff from slumber, out from under the sheets and onto the warm floor beneath. Leaving the room, he looked all around the empty halls for any signs of life. He passed by several rooms he’d barely seen on their little tour weeks ago, stopping only at a room on the other side of the house, down a hall he hadn’t gone down before. Something about this little hallway and door was intimidating but also incredibly alluring. Hand twisting the polished knob, Changkyun opened the door and stepped inside. He stopped short once he noticed the figure in the luxurious bed across the room. Though a dark canopy surrounded him, Hoseok was lying there fast asleep, draped in silky, shimmery violet sheets lined with golden designs. The man’s face looked so peaceful as he slept that once he began to shift around, Changkyun felt he was wrongly intruding. The boy turned to leave quietly until the man called out.

“Did you rest well?” Hoseok’s voice sounded tired as he sat up, his image hazy through the curtain that separated the two men.

Changkyun faced him and brushed his fingers over his bandages. “Yeah… I feel much better now.”

Hoseok pushed the canopy away and sat on the edge of his bed. Changkyun finally caught sight of his glowing, smiling face and it was breathtaking. “That’s reassuring. You had quite a terrible fever last night.” He nodded toward Changkyun’s arm as he shifted out of his blankets. “I was worried you had an infection. Seems like you’ll be fine soon enough.”

Changkyun stared down at his arm and the care that went into fixing it. He was astounded that the man had dealt with so much overnight, probably taking care of him all morning to make sure his condition didn’t get any worse. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am, really…” The boy was mumbling for lack of any proper expression. The man had done so much for him, suffered all through the night just to take care of him, a boy who’d hardly done anything to warrant such care.

As if he was reading into the other’s self-conscious thoughts, Hoseok chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about it, just consider it an extension of my skills being put to good use.”

Changkyun raised a brow at that remark, but quickly became flustered once he got a good look at Hoseok wandering toward his wardrobe from the opposite side of his bed. The canopy did well enough to blur his image, but the boy could easily tell how naked Hoseok was. Changkyun’s eyes helplessly moved down the man’s body, noting his bold silhouette and the vague lines of his backside. Abruptly feeling somewhat uncomfortable, the boy cleared his throat and turned to leave. “I’m just going to wash up…” He called back and left before Hoseok could stop him. He didn’t want to be there while the man changed, it felt strange enough being in that room for that long already.

Heading back toward that pristine bathroom he’d used before, Changkyun filled the tub with water once again and sat on the edge. He stroked the fingers on his good hand through the water slowly, heat rising slowly off as the mirror began to accumulate water and fog up across the room. Turning the pipes off, only the sound of droplets falling from the faucet into the pool of water below echoed amongst the clean tile. Changkyun slipped off his clothes and crawled into the tub, resting the back of his neck on the cool rim. Rolling his neck to face his bad arm hanging off the edge to keep dry, the boy let out a shaky breath. He was finally completely relaxed after several weeks of starvation, pain, and tears and it felt… good.

The boy dunked his head into the water, keeping himself under for a good while before returning to the surface. Though, he could hardly wash the small smile from his face as he basked in his newfound time off. It felt so good to have time to himself, to just let his thoughts and worries completely fade away. If he wasn’t feeling complete melancholy over his circumstances then it was guilt for Hoseok and the others that clouded his mind all the time. Now he was here in this bathroom the size of his tenement, chuckling at the ridiculousness of his sudden fortune as the water bubbled around his lips.

After falling asleep for a few comfortable minutes and scrubbing as much dirt off himself as he could, Changkyun stepped out of the tub and dried himself off with a plush towel. He’d made the mistake of not bringing any clothes with him to change into and begrudgingly put his dirty clothes back on, damp from some water that spilled onto the floor. He looked around the unfamiliar room when he got back and regretted not bringing his things with him the night before. Now he was standing, dripping wet in this man’s house with none of his own clothes to change into. Biting his lip, Changkyun eyed the wardrobe that Hoseok had sifted through the other day during one of their sessions. As guilty as he felt over resorting to such a pathetic action, Changkyun opened the hefty doors and took a closer look inside at all the shimmering silks and vivid colors contained inside. The boy stood there a moment, jaw hung open in awe at the amount of fine fabrics, blouses, coats, and whatnot that were lined up just collecting dust. Before he realized it, his own hand had reached out toward one specific item hidden between thicker wool pieces: a dark vest lined with astonishing golden designs that glistened under the light as the boy pulled it out. Truly, Changkyun hadn’t seen anything like it in his life and desperately wanted to try it on, to at least see how it felt. Yet, the quality of the tailoring and detailing begged how much such a simple thing was really worth and made the boy feel even more guilty the longer he held it in his own unworthy hands. Regretfully Changkyun put the vest back into the closet and pulled out a simpler, off-white dress shirt. He was just going to be sitting around the house for the modeling anyway, there was no point in dressing up for that. 

Slipping on some trousers, Changkyun finally left his temporary room and wandered around the silent halls. Descending down the stairs, he heard some commotion going on in the entryway and stopped near the bottom, good hand gripped onto the lacquered railing. Hoseok was at the doorway, guiding two men around as they lugged Changkyun’s trunk inside and toward the stairs. The younger man watched as the two lifted his belongings toward the guest room he was occupying, turning to face Hoseok when he’d been noticed.

“So you already changed then? I’d hoped they would have been quicker about bringing your things here, but you do live a ways away.” Hoseok gleamed, his pearly smile comforting Changkyun’s uneasiness yet again. The man stared up at his guest from the bottom of the stairs, eyeing him up and down before he complimented him. “Though I’m glad you tried on some more of those clothes. I was worried about giving them to you since I thought they might not fit.” He leaned onto the railing, gentle fingers curving over the wood as he rested a foot on the landing. “They seem a little big, but it’s not like I’m using them. As you can probably tell.” A short, cautious laugh escaped him as the awkward tension distanced them both. Hoseok seemed like he was trying hard to get close without pushing the boy away again, but Changkyun felt strange about everything all of a sudden.

Changkyun pursed his lip and slipped his hand off the railing, moving it over the shirt across his chest. Really, he wanted to hide how nervous he suddenly became the longer Hoseok stared at him so invitingly, hoping the man couldn’t see right through him. “Thank you… for bringing my things here I mean.” Changkyun looked to his hand and mumbled. “I don’t know if I can accept your clothes though now that I have my own.”

Hoseok shook his head and let out a breathy, charmed chuckle. “Don’t be so humble. They’re yours now, not mine. Wear whatever you’d like.” Hoseok stepped back and crossed his arms, a slight shrug rising from his shoulders. “It’d would be best if you wore what you wanted anyway, since it will help me figure out how best to capture you in my painting.”

Glancing up once, Changkyun hardly caught the man’s intense stare and looked away again. “So what kind of work will we be doing today then?” He could feel his broken fingers twitching with pain at the thought. He couldn’t bear being drawn in this condition just yet, no matter how relaxed and reassured he was just moments ago about being here with Hoseok.

“We won’t be doing any sketches today.” Hoseok’s voice softened as his eyes moved briefly toward the other’s mangled arm. “I want you to rest and we’ll continue again when you feel a bit better.” The gracious host reassured his guest, “It could be days or weeks from now. Whenever you’re comfortable again is when I’ll pick up the brush.”

Changkyun didn’t expect such thoughtfulness from his own employer, a man so passionate about his art that he seemed to dedicate his entire life to it, and blushed in surprise. Changkyun was the one who had the say in when they’d continue their sessions and the power was strange. He was a guest in this man’s house, meant to work to his will, but now he himself was given command over his painting. Eyes widened, the boy mumbled a few quiet sounds before he turned around and moved up the stairs again as the two men from earlier began back down empty-handed. Changkyun didn’t face either of them at all and stared at his feet the whole way up, glancing back down from the top when he overheard them talking with Hoseok about something casually. Hoseok had completely ignored Changkyun now and the boy was relieved. How the man always seemed to focus so much on him and act so warm to him was just befuddling for Changkyun. He hadn’t encountered someone like this in a long time and it left him with a bittersweet feeling. Once the men were paid and ushered out, Hoseok turned his head and looked to Changkyun staring from over the railing of the dim hall. The boy was startled and quickly shuffled off to his room instead, deciding to rest some more rather than be stuck with Hoseok alone with his body, mind, and emotions all in conflict with each other. More than anything, he didn’t want to be such a bother to the man more than he already was and hoped to quickly recover and get back to their work, with an easel to stand between the two of them.


	4. The Maiden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Unseen they pour blessing  
> And joy without ceasing,  
> On each bud and blossom,  
> And each sleeping bosom."

On and off throughout the evening Changkyun had been staring at his trunk at the foot of the bed. It was old and scuffed from carelessness and age, now sitting in a room filled with fine embellishments and decoratives. It was clear as day how it didn’t belong here. He didn’t belong here. This was all he could think about as he lied there in that comfortable bed, sheets strewn to the end from his hours of rolling around. At times he relished in the feeling of living a lifestyle he never dreamed of, his whole body taking pleasure in just absorbing everything around him, yearning for the touch of such lavish things. Then almost as instant and spontaneous as the shooting pains in his mangled arm, his naive bursts of joy burned out and left him with a rotten feeling. Maybe it was disgust with himself for being so stupid to fall for this mirage, or maybe it was bitterness knowing this couldn’t last forever. The only thing Changkyun knew was that he didn’t know what to make of this whole situation, or of his gracious host Hoseok.

Hoseok hadn’t disturbed him once since Changkyun ran away to his room earlier that evening. It had been several hours since then and Changkyun could only tell because of the darkness outside his window and the distant whispers of the creatures of the night. If he had been at his old tenement right now all he would hear would be strange tongues elevating into fights between neighbors, clamoring and commotion from drunken passersby outside, or his own roommates doing little to conceal their newest sexual enterprise. It was tranquil here and gave Changkyun the peace and time to himself to actually think about his life for once. Up until now he’d done enough to distract himself from his memories and regrets and especially what he wanted out of his new life here in this new place. Changkyun probably could’ve had so much more in his homeland, but he had no intentions on losing anything else to that country. If he had gotten sick or hurt and died here in America, that would’ve been just fine; Changkyun had convinced himself of such long ago. 

And maybe this was why the boy hadn’t done much to heal his arm or pick himself back up onto his feet, denying every hope and charity offered to him by Hoseok. There was a part of Changkyun that had been lost so long ago that now, in some ways, he actually anticipated death. It wasn’t that he was suicidal perse, but as the boy thought of his condition suddenly worsening and leading him to his deathbed, he’d accept that to be the bed he was lying in now this very night. Changkyun had long passed the point of fearing not waking up when he shut his eyes someday. In fact, how often the idea crossed his mind was almost like an even more tortuous tease than the shimmering valuables all around him at the moment.

Changkyun let out a tiny laugh to himself. Only now that he was in a mansion with everything he could ever want at his fingertips did he miss the slums. At least there his mind never had the chance to wander back home, to the times he’d willingly left behind. Here in this house, it was almost too quiet. Changkyun wondered for a moment whether this was the future his parents had always wanted for him.

The boy looked over to his trunk again, eyes glossed over as he thought hard on the image of his parents. It’d been so long since he’d seen them and helplessly his body moved toward the leather case he’d buried his past into. Tugging it open, the boy sifted through some piles of belongings before pulling out some photographs tucked away deep inside. There were only a handful, one for his mother and father when they were both younger and single, another of them on their wedding day, and two last photographs of Changkyun growing with his family. These were the only traces of his parents he had with him here and after months of ignoring their existence, Changkyun now clutched them in his hand dearly. He had been such a terrible son for leaving them behind and stuffing his only memories away into this worn-out box. As he rose to his feet and stuck the photographs in between the edges of the mirror on a nearby vanity, he smiled softly at how the faces of his parents in their youth radiated amidst the golden glow of the vanity trim. If only they had really been here with him in person, his father’s hearty laugh would be crisp and clear in such a quiet atmosphere. His mother’s beauty would shine under such soft lights. They’d all be lying together in that large bed, warm and elated to be with each other just like when he’d been a small child.

But they weren’t here and now Changkyun was alone with only a trunk-full of things from home. As he dug through it some more, he pursed his lips into a slight pout. What little clothes he had now seemed worthless knowing the finer garments in the wardrobe across the room were now his. Though, he was still plenty reluctant to even wear them at his own will.

A knock came at the door moments later and Changkyun blinked. The boy folded some of his clothes he’d tossed onto the floor beside him and called out, “Come in.” They both knew who was knocking but Changkyun appreciated the effort to respect his privacy.

The door creaked open and Hoseok entered holding a tray of food in his arms. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t go the night hungry. I wasn’t sure if you’d be coming down to the kitchen any time soon.” He quickly caught onto what Changkyun was doing and set the tray down on the end table beside the bed, eyeing the garments on the floor as the boy struggled to fold them with one hand. “Do you want help?”

Changkyun glanced up, noting how the man stayed true to his gracious image by asking for what Changkyun wanted first. Though, he shook his head and stacked another shirt onto his tiny pile beside the trunk. “No, it’s fine. There’s not much left to do anyway.” The boy looked down at the trousers he started folding when Hoseok quietly moved over to look down at his trunk. Changkyun knew Hoseok was probably thinking about how pathetic his situation had been if these meaningless things were all he had with him and it unnerved him how long the man stood there staring.

Finally a hand reached out and Hoseok had grabbed one of the books sitting in the trunk. When Changkyun looked the man was eyeing the cover and back, flipping through some of the pages in fascination. It wasn’t like Hoseok didn’t have any books himself, Changkyun was certain he spotted some novels and journals lining the shelves in the drawing room before, so it was a little befuddling why he seemed so entranced by these books. Then, Hoseok said it himself, “Are all these books of yours in Korean?”

Changkyun glanced from the books to Hoseok above him and slowly nodded. “Yes, all of them… Haven’t you seen one before?” Changkyun was always so certain this man or his family had immigrated here more recently so there was no way he could have been so out of touch with Korean culture that he had never seen books before, right?

To the boy’s surprise, the man shook his head and smiled fondly to himself, tracing a finger over some words. “Not like this. It’s… charming.” Soon Hoseok closed the book and rubbed his thumbs over the cover, squatting down next to Changkyun as he peeked inside the trunk again. “What are they all about?”

Changkyun stared at the man for a moment, transfixed on this look of admiration and wonder in Hoseok’s eyes. When he remembered he was asked a question, the boy quickly scanned his eyes over his collection within the case and pulled out one or two to explain. “Well these are just history and science books. The rest of these are just stories about peasants becoming heroes or warriors saving their kingdoms… some poetry. Nothing unusual.” The boy looked up again to find his host completely entranced, looking over each one with a fondness Changkyun didn’t really understand. “Do you want to borrow some? I’ve read them several times already.”

Hoseok quickly put the book in his hands away and shook his head with a sincere smile. “It’s alright. Maybe sometime later.” Quickly his eyes moved onto something else within the trunk and widened with interest. “What’s this?” His hands hesitantly reached out and pulled out some clothes buried near the bottom. Changkyun straightened up and scratched at his neck, somewhat embarrassed of the reminder that he still had some of his old clothes with him and that a dignified man like Hoseok of all people had to find them.

“Oh those…” Changkyun started and stared at the clothes as Hoseok dragged them out and held them up to look at them in fascination. “Those are my old clothes, from Korea…”

“You mean this is what everyone wears there now?” Hoseok looked to the boy for answers with a brightness in his eyes. It made Changkyun fairly weak when the man looked at him that way.

The boy nodded and shrugged. “More or less.” He nearly laughed to himself at how fascinated Hoseok seemed as the man eyed every stitch and detail. “They’re nothing like the clothes in that wardrobe of yours.” Changkyun added as if the fabrics in Hoseok’s hands were worthless in comparison to the luxurious clothing across the room.

Though it didn’t deter the man from his admiration. “Indeed. These are much more beautiful, don’t you think?” Hoseok looked up at Changkyun again who was pleasantly surprised by the turnaround. Eyeing the boy up and down, the man hummed and added with a grin, “I’m sure they look fantastic on you.”

Bashful, Changkyun looked away and put his folded clothes back into the trunk in a rush. He hid his face from view hoping Hoseok couldn’t tell how flustered he was by the compliment. Changkyun never imagined himself to be a looker in a bunch of ordinary clothes like the hanbok in Hoseok’s arms, and he was certain the man was just getting ahead of himself to be polite. That’s all his kindness was to Changkyun, a means of just being a good host.

Shortly Hoseok stuffed the clothes back into the trunk and shot up, brightening up with a thought. “May I show you something?”

Without much delay or opposition from Changkyun, the two headed downstairs onto the first floor then, to Changkyun’s surprise, Hoseok led them both down another set of stairs into a cellar of sorts. The door down to the basement had been tucked away in the back of the grand staircase, the musty air and cool stone walls inside incredibly distinct from the bright wallpaper, paneling, and paints of the first floor. The staircase was much smaller, as if the entire area was meant to be a secret to everyone except Hoseok. And now, Changkyun was in on that secret as well and the feeling made him somewhat prideful. The bottom of the stairs opened up just when they’d reach the hall’s darkest point, exposing a room filled to the brim with old, dusty furniture, some things draped in tattered sheets covered with cobwebs, and dozens of trunks one would expect to be locked tight. Oddly enough, everything was right there for anyone to open and take a look, as if Hoseok wanted anyone who’d ventured into his house to discover the things he had hidden in this secret room. Except nothing seemed like it’d been touched in years, perhaps even decades judging by the thick layer of dust Changkyun collected onto his finger sliding it over the top of an old piano.

“I hope you won’t mind the mess. I don’t come down here often.” Hoseok chuckled in his own embarrassment while Changkyun trailed behind, lost in the astonishing amount of things in one room. One corner was filled with statues of all sizes and the boy had to wonder if his host was the artist behind them. Though, everything in this room seemed much too old for someone like Hoseok to have made and Changkyun found himself wondering again just what his family history was like to be in this house now, richer than he could ever imagine being. “I believe this is the one…” Hoseok mumbled moreso to himself as he uncovered one trunk cloaked halfway by a dark sheet. For lack of room and his rather hesitant disposition, Changkyun stood a fair distance behind Hoseok instead, watching with some curiosity as the man dug through the things inside. Despite Hoseok’s invitation down here, the boy wouldn’t allow himself to take a look inside that trunk just yet. There was just some sort of eerie feeling that crept across his skin the longer they were down here, the deeper Hoseok dug into that trunk in front of him.

Then Hoseok pulled out a long blue robe, shimmering against what little light had reflected onto it. Changkyun’s mouth dropped at the sight. He’d never seen a hanbok as extravagant as this with his own eyes. The fabrics were woven so finely and lined with golden embroidery. Hands reaching out on their own, Changkyun stared in awe. “Is this yours?” It was more of a statement in disbelief than a question, yet Hoseok chuckled at the boy’s fascination.

“My family’s, yes.” Hoseok held the hanbok out for the other and watched fondly as Changkyun thumbed the fabric with caution. The boy had glanced up and quickly shied away when Hoseok’s fingers brushed past his under the layers. “It’s very precious to me. It belonged to my ancestor from a long time ago.” Hoseok grinned soft and warm. “Would you like to try it on?”

Taken aback, Changkyun stiffened up with a stunned look on his face. He stuttered, “Y-You mean, you want me to wear this?” He glanced from the priceless clothing to that priceless smile on Hoseok’s face. How could Changkyun even think straight when he was swallowed up by that increasingly enticing gaze?

Unrelenting, Hoseok stepped closer and held the hanbok up in front of the boy. “I wouldn’t mind at all if that’s what you’re worried about.” He hummed, “I wanted to draw you in finer clothes regardless, I think this would be great to try out some colors with.”

Changkyun nodded along, slowly realizing this proposition was all about the aesthetic of Hoseok’s newest painting. He couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment from welling up in his chest, yet Changkyun still smiled and agreed. It wasn’t like he had much choice in what Hoseok wanted toward his artwork. The man was already catering to him much more than he deserved.

“I’ll give you a moment to change and get comfortable.” Hoseok laid the robes across Changkyun’s bed. The golden designs shimmered under the light fixtures around the room. This priceless garment truly radiated and Changkyun found himself staring in awe until his host stepped toward the door. 

“Wait!” Changkyun called out and bit his tongue once Hoseok spun around. “I-I… I’m not exactly sure how…” He dropped his eyes onto the hanbok instead. The ceaseless intensity in Hoseok’s gaze made him much too nervous to even think straight, let alone speak properly. “This is much more intricate than the ones I own. I’m not quite sure about--”

“Would you like me to help you?” Hoseok interjected, his voice soft and inviting as if to guide Changkyun to what he really wished to say. Changkyun stayed quiet, his voice stuck in his throat as he was put on the spot. When Hoseok realized he wasn’t going to admit to it, the man stepped through the door and pulled it behind him. Peeking through the crack, Hoseok said softly, “You don’t have to worry, I won’t watch you change. Just put on what you can and open the door again when you need help.” Changkyun met eyes with the man again for a fleeting moment before Hoseok turned away, smile twisting his lips so subtly. “I’ll be right here.”

The room stood silent after Hoseok left. Only the ticking of a clock could be vaguely heard, as if Hoseok wasn’t just outside that door at all. Though Changkyun never doubted he was. He knew Hoseok was a man of his word. Changkyun moved toward the bed and stared down at the clothes laid out for him. After moments of biting his lip and coveting the beautiful robes, Changkyun caved and unbuttoned his shirt. This would surely be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and Changkyun might as well take hold of it. It wasn’t like he was bound to wear many more hanboks in his new American life.

Slipping the silky pants up his legs, Changkyun tied the band around his waist. Even tied tight the pants still felt somewhat loose on his slim waist. Changkyun frowned as he looked down at himself, disappointed in how much weight he’d lost lately. Shaking off those thoughts, he raised the lavish blue silk overcoat and slipped his fingers through the folds. These fabrics hadn’t moved in ages and it was evident by how stiff and cold everything felt. There was even a musty smell that emanated off the beautiful robes, likely from how long they’d been locked away in that cellar, but Changkyun could only smell the scents from home that lingered in the threads. He held the overcoat close to his chest and breathed in long and slow. Shutting his eyes, he could almost picture being in his family’s home at that moment, surrounded by books and his parents. For the first time in a long time Changkyun felt happy thinking about those things. He smiled to himself and laid the coat onto the bed again. Perhaps there were some enjoyable memories left after all.

After sliding into the undershirt, Changkyun fastened it closed and stretched his arms to check the length. It seemed fair enough and he glanced to the remaining layers of clothes still on the bed. As often as he wore his own hanboks before, he had usually stuck to the simple two pieces he wore now. Everything on the bed seemed so elegant and meticulous and there was no doubt that only a sophisticated man like Hoseok had owned them, even if it had been a family heirloom.

The door clicked open and Hoseok turned around to face Changkyun half-finished dressing himself. Changkyun kept his eyes on the ground as he sheepishly admitted, “I’m not sure what I should put on next. There are a lot of parts.” He smiled out of his own embarrassment, to mask how helpless he realized he was. Though, it became much more genuine once Hoseok had laughed alongside him and stepped back into the room.

“It’s all so tedious, isn’t it?” Hoseok joked and the other nodded in agreement. For some reason Hoseok always knew just what to say to ease the tension off Changkyun’s shoulders.

“I’ve never dressed so extravagantly before…” Changkyun revealed as Hoseok helped him slip into the next proper top layer. This layer was black and much longer than the first with billowing sleeves and a sharp collar embroidered with golden designs. The fabric was so thin it felt like Changkyun had barely added another layer of clothing to his body at all.

Hoseok gently pushed the other’s arms up to hover in the air. Fastening the thin coat closed just like the undershirt, Hoseok’s eyes were fixated on the fabrics in front of him. “It can be quite a bother to deal with.” Hoseok switched languages as he spoke. “I always preferred wearing just a jeogori and baji whenever I had to dress up.”

Changkyun blinked and watched as Hoseok moved to get the next layer: the lush blue outercoat. “You mean you’ve had to wear Korean clothes here?” It was strange to think this man who seemed so westernized, so natural to this society, would wear anything from their homeland.

Hoseok smiled as he held up the overcoat in front of himself, thumbs rubbing across the fabric. The man seemed mesmerized as he answered, “I was taught how to wear everything by my mother. She taught both my brother and I.”

To this sudden revelation, Changkyun lit up with curiosity. He wanted to ask about the man’s mother, his apparent brother, where they were now, and all sorts of personal questions that would make this man of mystery just a bit less mysterious, but he hesitated. He couldn’t ask him such intrusive questions when the man was inches from his face, busying himself with dressing the boy. Changkyun winced as Hoseok slid the fabric over his injured arm and the man quickly eased the pain.

“Sorry,” Hoseok grinned and pulled the sides closed. “We’re almost finished.” Changkyun stood there frozen, hands held up weakly in the air as the fabrics began weighing down his arms. The sleeves were so large and the embroidered round symbol across the chest and back of the coat made this layer much heavier than the last.

“What’s this?” Changkyun asked and looked to the design across his chest.

Hoseok glanced up at the boy, then to the image in front of him. “It’s a dragon. The dragon was a symbol of royalty.”

“Royalty?!” Changkyun exclaimed and looked from Hoseok to the upper class symbol sitting on his chest. “You mean you’re related to a king or something?” He mumbled, “No wonder you’re so rich.”

Hoseok chuckled loudly, his eyes disappearing into his uncontrollable smile. Changkyun felt somewhat embarrassed for letting his last comment slip out, but felt proud about getting to see such a big smile from the man. “This belonged to a prince generations ago.” Hoseok said and traced his fingers over the dragon’s head with a fondness for the creature. “I doubt I have any relation to him by now. This is our only connection.” Hoseok drifted off into a trance as he eyed the coat from top to bottom. “I have some others that are much more elaborate than this, but I’ve always liked this one best.”

Changkyun gradually lowered his arms and looked to his host with insatiable curiosity. “Have you worn this before?” Changkyun asked, his voice tender as he brought Hoseok back to reality.

Hoseok blinked and shook his head, as if the question was completely unexpected. “No, never.” He grinned and grabbed a thick belt from the bed. Walking behind the boy, Hoseok looped the belt through Changkyun’s arms and around his waist without warning. Changkyun nearly jumped from surprise. “This is the finishing touch.” Hoseok said softly from behind and gently held his hands on each of Changkyun’s sides. “Hold this here and I’ll fasten it for you.”

Hesitant, Changkyun nodded to himself as Hoseok spoke over his shoulder. His eyes moved toward Hoseok’s hands pressed against his waist and the boy tensed up. Gliding his hands across Hoseok’s, Changkyun held his breath. The man’s hands were just as soft and warm as when they’d first met. Exhaling once Hoseok slipped away from his touch, Changkyun stood upright and lifted his chin while the man did his magic from behind. A bit of tugging and pulling and soon enough the layers of clothing became pinched against his skin. Changkyun looked down toward his feet once the belt was fixed on himself, admiring how neatly and elegantly the fabric draped down his body.

“Here, let’s take a look in the mirror.” Shortly Hoseok pulled the boy toward a standing mirror across the room and shielded his eyes with his own hands. “Ready?” Hoseok whispered as he hovered behind Changkyun.

Changkyun swallowed hard and replied, “Yes.” Then the light filled his vision and Changkyun saw himself, dressed head to toe in the finest clothing in his life. Everything had felt a bit loose and big on him, likely because the former prince didn’t have his small frame, but as he saw himself in the mirror it seemed like a perfect fit. The blue silk coat glistened under the lights, the gold lining peeking out from under the slim white collar. The belt had pulled much of the fabric together and accentuated just how slim his waist was. Changkyun glanced at Hoseok behind him. The man felt so much bigger than himself, his own western clothes fitted to his body and stretched across his thicker frame without the need for layers and belts. Even if the clothes Hoseok wore right now weren’t elegant or expensive, his striking features and unmarked skin made him so…

“Beautiful.” Changkyun stiffened up once Hoseok whispered from behind him. The two had met eyes in the mirror, though Changkyun didn’t look away this time. He was flustered but could do nothing to escape that powerful gaze in the reflection. Changkyun held his breath once Hoseok’s hands found their place on the boy’s shoulders. “The real beauty in hanbok is the fixation on lines.” Hoseok spoke in Changkyun’s native tongue and the boy swore he felt a wicked chill begin up his spine. “The pleating of the cheollik catches the eye and leads you up to the yongbo,” Hoseok guided one hand up Changkyun’s body, resting it over his chest. Changkyun stared at his hand in the mirror, following along his words with his eyes but also praying the man wouldn’t feel his heart racing through all the layers. 

Soon Hoseok’s hand traced the collar of the coat, his fingertips sliding across the stiff fabric and slowly up Changkyun’s clavicle. “You know, many people believe white is used to portray purity and innocence. Though I think it’s the opposite. White represents sin, transgressions that cannot be reversed.” Hoseok whispered, “What do you think?”

Everything in the room was quiet aside from Changkyun’s thoughts. With Hoseok wrapped around him like this behind him and seeing the reflection in front of him, he felt as if he was being closed in. Earlier he’d thought this man was the most beautiful person he’d met and now that thought terrified him. Such a beautiful man engulfing Changkyun with his body, his clothes, his words, and now even his breath on Changkyun’s neck, it was all terrifying. What was most terrifying of all though, was just how much Changkyun yearned for Hoseok to devour him in that moment.

Changkyun glanced at Hoseok’s gaze lingering on the garment’s collar and the boy let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know what to think…” Changkyun started and let out a timid chuckle. “I really don’t know a thing about art.”

"You don't have to know, you just have to feel." Hoseok lifted his eyes at Changkyun’s reflection. With a devilish smile, he leaned in closer and whispered, “I'll make you feel like art."


	5. La Goulue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They look in every thoughtless nest,  
> Where birds are cover'd warm;  
> They visit caves of every beast,  
> To keep them all from harm."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: racism  
> tw: puking

Changkyun felt the pain in his abdomen, sharp and desperate, but they both heard the cry wail from his gut. Hoseok’s lips had nearly grazed the hairs on the back of Changkyun’s neck until they curled into a smile. The man laughed and patted the other’s chest firm. “I shouldn’t keep you any longer. You must be starving.” His hands slipped away from Changkyun’s body and the boy suddenly felt cold and small. Seeing his reflection standing there alone as Hoseok left for the door, Changkyun felt a disappointment well up inside himself. Hoseok turned to look back at the boy as he opened the door. “Eat before it gets too cold.” He said, and Changkyun watched through the mirror as the man shut the door closed behind him. Watching the man’s backside, Hoseok seemed much more tense before he disappeared into the halls. It was understandable, Changkyun thought, since he himself soon fell weakly onto his bed and let out a shaky breath he’d been holding in. 

Moving a hand over his chest, Changkyun shut his eyes and steadied his breath. Even through all the layers, he could feel his heart thumping wildly in his chest as if it were to burst. The blood that had pooled and begun boiling in his gut finally started to rush back to his head and Changkyun’s ears went numb with each pulse. He was sure he felt weak like this because of that terror he’d felt as he was enveloped by Hoseok, but something was different now. Changkyun felt disappointed, missing the man now that he was here alone in this large room again. Maybe his heart was racing so fast and his blood burning so hot not because of the terror, but because he was euphoric in Hoseok’s hold and under those sweet words that had dripped onto his neck like an addictive nectar.

Rolling onto his side, Changkyun eyed the food sitting on a tray beside his bed. His stomach rumbled again and he put a hand to his gut as he sat up. Scooting toward the head of the bed, he reached out to take the tray into his lap before deciding it’d be a poor decision. Instead, he took the priceless robes off and set them aside on the end of his bed before beginning to eat. It was strange, sitting there half-naked on this large bed eating some sort of braised beef off a polished silver tray. He wasn’t sure how long it’d been since he had a meal this good, if ever. It was just another sour reminder of how Hoseok treated Changkyun much better than he deserved. That sour feeling made his meal taste bitter.

  
  


The itching in his arm woke Changkyun much earlier than he would’ve liked. As he sat up, he winced in pain when his hand stung and looked to the bandages wrapped tight around his skin. Against his better judgement, he unraveled the bandages that had already begun peeling off and got a clearer look at the stitching, bruising, and swelling in his hand. Granted, the swelling had gone down since the accident days ago, but the bruises still left green and purple marks across his skin. Changkyun curled his fingers halfway, trying to make a fist, before feeling that stinging pain again and relaxed the sore muscles. He wasn’t sure how long it’d take before he’d be able to use his hand the same again.

Cleaning his wounds with a soft hand towel and warm water from the sink in his bathroom, Changkyun rummaged around for some new bandages. Luckily there was a small spool of dressing in a cabinet under the stand of towels and candles and Changkyun managed to wrap his hand again, albeit much more sloppy with only the use of one hand.

He stepped out into the hall and stopped halfway to his room. The house was so quiet at this time of day. Hoseok had probably spent all night on his art again that he was still asleep. As Changkyun checked the time on a clock at the end of the hall, he thought it strange how it was nearly ten in the morning and the house had no visits from any vendors for meat, milk, or service from maids. The mansion was huge yet Changkyun couldn’t recall ever seeing a single servant working in the house. He had to wonder if Hoseok did all the cleaning and cooking by himself. That meant Hoseok had probably cooked Changkyun’s dinner last night on his own as well.

Changkyun soon headed for his room with a new determination. He was tired of feeling indebted to this man. Tired of being shown so much kindness with nothing to offer in return. Digging around his trunk for his savings, Changkyun gathered his money and found some clothes in the wardrobe to wear. Nothing too flashy though, since he didn’t really intend on standing out anymore than he probably did in such an affluent neighborhood. Hoseok probably easily passed as a member of such a high society but there was no way Changkyun could. So instead he settled for some simple black slacks, a white cotton dress shirt, a vest to keep his money safe, and a coat that was slightly too big for him but the smallest within the wardrobe.

Walking around this part of town was much more stressful than going anywhere in the poorer slums downtown. When Changkyun had gone to the market or shops downtown, the streets were packed with immigrants all shouting over each other in their own languages, haggling for deals and selling off their newest goods to the crowds that passed by. In this part of town the streets were clear enough for fancy horse-driven carriages to trot down without interruption. People stuck to the sides of the roads in their expensive dresses and coats, armed with canes and servants to aide them as they moved from shop to shop. Downtown no one cared about what someone like Changkyun was doing or where he was going, but here it seemed like all eyes were on him. He stood out like a sore thumb amidst a pristine, orderly bed of roses; a thorn that needed to be tossed out.

Changkyun stopped in front of a window with meats on display and a board written with the day’s prices. Of course everything here was much more expensive than the peddlers from the slums, that was to be expected. It wasn’t like Changkyun had any reason to really save much of his money while he lived with Hoseok anyway. He was surely going to be paid a handsome sum when the painting was finished, he might as well splurge a little. Especially considering this was his repayment to the man for taking care of him so well. Upon entering the butcher’s shop however, Changkyun immediately felt the air grow tense. There was an unspoken offense that was made as soon as he stepped into the shop and it showed on the butcher’s face behind the counter.

When the large man was finished with his customer, Changkyun perked up as the man’s eyes glossed over him, then fixed onto a woman who’d stepped into the shop moments ago. “Margaret! Don’t you look so lovely today!” His voice boomed across the room and the older woman smiled with a facade of bashfulness.

“You’re too kind to me, Peter.” The lady giggled and moved toward the counter, looking over all the meat on display. She took her time deciding on the cut of beef she needed as well as the oils the man offered to her at a discount, the entire time Changkyun stood in the back and watched, testing his patience. He had clearly been here first, but the man was obviously ignoring him. Finally after the older woman had paid and left the shop, the door closing with a loud creak behind her that only heightened the tension in the air, Changkyun approached the counter.

“I’d just like a pound of beef chuck.” Changkyun pointed out toward the illustration behind the glass, not giving the man another moment to ignore him this time.

The man stood stern, shaking his head. “We’re out today.”

It was a blatant lie, Changkyun knew right away. Still, he didn’t want to cause a scene and was quite honestly intimidated by the large man. “In that case, give me the beef--”

“No beef today.” The man grumbled, “For you I have pork.”

“I have the money,” Changkyun retorted, voice somewhat shaky as the man glared down at him. “I’d just like a pound of beef--”

“I said no beef.” The man repeated.

Changkyun let out a sigh to calm himself and settled his eyes on the diagram of the pig instead. “Fine, I’ll take a pound of the butt.”

The man begrudgingly left to the back of the shop and returned with a slab of meat. Throwing it onto the countertop, he began cutting it up into a cleaner cut before weighing it. Changkyun moved toward the register and thumbed the money in his pocket, pulling out the coins he needed. “That’s going to be sixty cents.”

“For pork?!” Changkyun exclaimed in disbelief and eyed the window. “Your sign says a pound is thirty for beef. Pork can’t possibly be--”

“For you it’s sixty.” The man had wrapped up the meat and tied some tweed tight around the small block. “You said you had the money, didn’t you?” When Changkyun didn’t answer and stood there in frustration, the man took his heavy knife and pointed it at Changkyun with a condescending look. “If you can’t afford it, then go back to your Chinese shop and order rats. That cheap enough for you?”

Changkyun was infuriated. Since he’d come to this country he’d always experienced a few bouts of ignorance from his roommates and co-workers, but never had he been treated this way until now. There were plenty of people he’d met who confused him for a Chinese man, so the fact this man assumed the same wasn’t nearly as maddening as the insinuation that he couldn’t afford a pound of pork. Sure the prices were higher and the quality better because of the wealthy neighborhood, but even the poorest in the city could afford several pounds of beef a week. To believe that Changkyun was so poor and below this man that he had to eat rats, all because he was Asian, was enraging.

“Here.” Changkyun muttered, voice nearly cracking from anger. He slapped the coins in his hand down and took the meat with him. Stomping to the front, he opened the door and trudged down the street to cool his hot temper when the door flung open after him.

“Hey! I told you it was sixty, not thirty!” When Changkyun ignored the butcher and kept walking, the man scowled and rushed after him. Grabbing ahold of Changkyun’s slim wrist, the boy shouted in pain and nearly lost his grip on the meat in his other hand. “You little thief! Pay the rest!” The man shouted at Changkyun as he spun him around to face him, hand practically crushing the boy’s injured arm.

Changkyun’s anger was still there, but hardly amounted to the terror he felt in this raging man’s hold. Not to mention the man was still holding his heavy knife at his side. “Let go of me!” Changkyun shouted and tried wriggling out of his grasp, only to cry in pain. “I paid you more than enough!”

“You little sneak, I told you it was sixty!” The man only became angrier and threw Changkyun into a wall nearby. Hoisting up his knife, he pinned the other against the wall with his fist twisted into his shirt, threatening, “Pay up now or I’ll--”

“That’s enough now Peter!” Another man called as he came up to the butcher from across the street. It was a local policeman and Changkyun could hardly say he was much relieved. The fact his life had been in jeopardy over a pound of meat just now had him frozen in silence as the cop calmed the butcher down. “What’s got you so worked up then?” He looked from Changkyun to the butcher once the man had let go of the boy. Changkyun rubbed at his sore arm, holding back whines from the sharp pains hidden by his coat sleeve.

“This sneaky Chinaman didn’t pay for that meat!” The man exclaimed and pointed toward the meat wrapped under Changkyun’s arm.

“I did pay,” Changkyun spoke up, looking away when the two men both looked to him sternly. “I paid what it said on the sign.” He glared at the butcher, “And I’m not Chinese, I’m Korean.”

“Well Chinese or not,” The officer said with a thick accent. “You have to pay what he says you need to pay. It’s his store.” The officer shrugged like the situation was out of his hands. He spoke off-handed with the butcher, like the two knew each other, and Changkyun looked on hopeless. 

“Fine.” Pulling out a few more coins, he tossed them at the butcher and won a warning from the officer who waved his baton toward Changkyun.

“You watch yourself now. Don’t want you causing anymore trouble around here, alright?” Changkyun kept his eyes downcast, holding back his anger with a clenched fist around the tweed wrap on the pork at his side. 

Nodding in acknowledgement, Changkyun mumbled, “May I go now?”

The officer waved him aside and turned his attention to the butcher instead. The two watched and whispered to themselves as Changkyun wandered off. It all made him so uncomfortable, but at least he got off without getting hurt. All he knew was that he was never coming back here again.

 

 

 

Changkyun unwrapped the meat in the kitchen, having spent most of his time in the bathroom taking care of one of his wounds that had opened up again because of that rough butcher. Luckily it was only around noon at the moment and Hoseok was still asleep. Otherwise the man might’ve heard Changkyun sobbing to himself in the bathroom. He didn’t mean to, it was just that all his frustration and pain had boiled over in the only way it could: some more pathetic tears. If something like this had happened to Hoseok, Changkyun had no doubt that the butcher wouldn’t have had it so easy. Hoseok was strong and charismatic, not to mention bigger and wealthier. Just because Changkyun put on some of Hoseok’s old clothes didn’t make him strong and respectable like him. No, Changkyun was still just a weak outsider to this kind of high society. He was just a temporary guest and there was no use getting so worked up and trying to change that.

Opening several cupboards, Changkyun checked what was already in the kitchen. He quickly regretted not checking before leaving the house since the cupboards were nearly bare. Aside from some glass bottles of spices and salts, any vegetables Changkyun did find were rotten. Changkyun understood that vegetables didn’t last long, but it seemed like these had been here weeks from how black and disgusting they looked and smelled. Since it seemed like Hoseok didn’t have any food delivered to him either, he had to wonder just how he really took care of himself. 

All the more reason that Changkyun should cook for Hoseok now. Leaving a pot of water over a fire to boil, Changkyun wandered the rest of the house in the meantime. Eventually he found himself back in the room filled with Hoseok’s paintings. Eyeing each one, Changkyun took a closer look at each figure along one wall before turning and looking at the large portrait across the room. The man in the frame looked so stoic yet elegant. Changkyun started to wonder if that was how he’d look in the painting Hoseok would do of him soon. He also started to wonder when they’d even begin that painting, when Changkyun would have to strip naked for Hoseok and pose for hours on end for him like that. Changkyun still wasn’t sure if he was entirely comfortable with the thought of posing nude for Hoseok, having his body immortalized in that way, but he couldn’t afford to oppose the idea. He needed the money, and despite his initial reluctance, he started to find himself slowly adjusting to the idea. Maybe it was because of how delicately Hoseok had handled the situation. How tender he’d been with Changkyun all this time.

Returning to the kitchen, Changkyun found the water beginning to boil. Rummaging for some proper herbs and spices, he mixed them in with some oils and sliced thin cuts of the pork. Changkyun stood there stirring the pot for some time, watching as the sun burned brighter outside just before dusk would begin to set in. The sun always set so early lately, Changkyun knew it only meant a terribly cold winter was fast approaching.

“What’s that smell?” Hoseok’s voice called out from the entrance to the kitchen. He squinted at the bright light peering in through the window, holding a hand up to shield his eyes as he looked around the room.

Changkyun spun around and gleamed, “Oh, I was making dinner for you.” Changkyun quickly stuttered over his words, “Of course I’ll eat some too, I just meant that I wanted to repay you for taking care of me… so I made a stew.” 

Anxiousness started to settle in his chest when Hoseok stood there without a word. Maybe he overstepped his boundaries by taking over the kitchen. Maybe Hoseok didn’t eat something as simple as stew or pork. After all, this was a man who seemed like he could afford anything he wanted, why would he want stew by an amatuer chef? Changkyun fretted over these useless thoughts until Hoseok grinned wide, his eyes disappearing into his smile again. That was steadily becoming Changkyun’s favorite smile.

“You did all of this for me?” Hoseok beamed and looked down at himself. He wasn’t wearing anything but some pants he’d lazily thrown on for decency’s sake. “I should change for the occasion then, shouldn’t I?”

Changkyun replied, flustered, “You don’t have to worry about it, really…”

“Nonsense!” Hoseok beamed. “You did all this work for me, it’s only right I dress properly for our dinner tonight.” He turned to leave before peeking back inside the kitchen. “You will be joining me tonight, won’t you?”

Changkyun hesitated, but nodded with a smile until Hoseok left upstairs. Staring down at the mediocre stew he was preparing, Changkyun bit his lip. He didn’t anticipate having to eat with Hoseok tonight. Hoseok was sure to dress accordingly while Changkyun looked like a mess at the moment. Leaving the stew to brew on its own longer, Changkyun rushed upstairs to his room to find something better than his dusty shirt and scuffed shoes to wear.

  
  


Changkyun peaked into the dining room from the kitchen door. Hoseok was standing beside a glass case filled with liquor, pulling out a wine bottle and twisting the cap off. Heading back into the kitchen, Changkyun sucked in a nervous breath and brought out an expensive pot filled with his stew. Serving it into each of the porcelain bowls in front of the head of the table and the seat to its right, Changkyun stood by his seat and watched as Hoseok began pouring them both a glass of wine.

“It probably won’t be that great,” Changkyun laughed full of nervousness. “I would’ve bought a lot more vegetables had I known there weren’t any in the house. I didn’t feel up to going back to the market again by the time I got back.” He smiled sheepishly at the bowl in front of his seat, embarrassed at how simple and bland it looked.

Hoseok smiled and put the wine bottle aside, taking his seat at the head of the table. Unfolding a napkin in his lap, he watched as Changkyun finally took his seat beside him. “Don’t worry yourself over it. I’m sure it tastes fine. It’s my fault for not cleaning out my kitchen properly.” He grinned and took his glass into his hand, holding it up toward Changkyun. “This is to you, Changkyun,” He started and met with the other’s eyes. Changkyun held up his glass as well, ears feeling warm as the man went on, “For making me such a lovely dinner and agreeing to be my model.” Hoseok paused, his intense gaze unrelenting as he stared right into Changkyun’s eyes. The man breathed in and smiled out the side of his mouth, looking down and away. “Thank you.” The two both took a sip of their wine, Hoseok letting out a refreshed noise as he traded his glass for his silver spoon. “And might I add, you look fantastic tonight.” Hoseok eyed Changkyun up and down, grinning from ear to ear at how well he cleaned up. “You know it’s rude to outshine the host, don’t you?” Changkyun laughed along with his joke but bit back the flattered smile that fought to show on his face. It wasn’t like Hoseok hadn’t seen the white blouse he was wearing now before, since it was from the man’s old collection in Changkyun’s room.

Changkyun took a sip of his own bowl, relief washing over him when it didn’t taste as horrible as he imagined. Gaze stuck on Hoseok, he waited for his reaction with an anxious heart. The man lifted the spoon to his lips and sipped at the broth first, then took the rest into his mouth and savored it for a moment. Hoseok held his hand to his mouth and sat back before swallowing and turning to Changkyun with a wide grin. “This is the most delicious meal I’ve had in ages.”

A chuckle escaped Changkyun and he hid his smile in another spoonful of the stew. “You just don’t want to tell me you hate it.”

“No, I’m serious,” Hoseok dropped his eyes onto the bowl in front of him, smile warming into something distant from Changkyun. “No one’s made food for me like this since my mother cooked for me years ago.”

Changkyun blinked, taking in the softened image of Hoseok that seemed so rare. Hoseok looked so unguarded in that moment, and something in Changkyun took that as an opportunity to finally ask a question that had been lingering in his mind the longer he lived in this house. “If you don’t mind… What happened to your family? Where are they now?”

Hoseok looked up from his trance, then quickly fell back into it. He was smiling, but it felt sad to Changkyun, like a sadness he couldn’t possibly ever comprehend to the level it affected this man. Hoseok cleared his throat and spoke up, “To be honest, I never really knew my father that well.” He started and already the atmosphere was stuffy. “He was always busy with his job, traveling to other cities and countries. My older brother was the real head of the household.” Hoseok shut his eyes and smiled wide as he took another sip of the stew. Clearing his throat again, he resituated himself in his chair and crossed one leg over the other to face Changkyun better. He explained, “My brother was only my half-brother, but I admired him dearly. He was strong, handsome, charming… He was even talented at games and singing.”

Changkyun couldn’t help a smile curl on his lips the more Hoseok went on about his brother so fondly. “What’s his name?” Changkyun asked and seemed to snap Hoseok from his reminiscing.

Hoseok took the glass of wine into his hand and swirled the liquid around in circles. “His name was Hyunwoo. He died a long time ago. My mother didn’t last much longer.”

Changkyun’s smile faded as he watched Hoseok take a long sip of his wine. Hands folded and fidgeting in his lap, the boy lowered his head and looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” Hoseok set his glass down and shook his head to himself. “It was an accident during a hunting trip. The fact he died before me is what still shocks me.” Changkyun raised a brow at that remark, sitting in clear disbelief that Hoseok could have ever faced death’s door. Then Hoseok explained himself before he could ask any of the hundreds of questions that arose at that remark. “I was always the sickly one. Hyunwoo was a miracle while it was a miracle that I was even alive.” Clearing his throat once more, Hoseok cocked his head to the side and cracked his neck, rubbing at the skin like something was irritating him. “For a long time when I was younger I had a weak heart. I look like this now, with a pale complexion, and not much like yourself is because of a rare disease. The real reason I’m prone to staying awake all night rather than the day is…” He coughed slightly into his fist before leaning uncomfortably to his side. Changkyun watched him with wariness, but was quickly consumed by curiosity as Hoseok carried on, “It’s because this disease makes me sensitive to sunlight. Ever since I can remember I’ve been trapped in walls for my sake. Not much of a life, is it?” He tried laughing, but quickly started coughing more violently.

“Hoseok?” Changkyun called out, cautiously reaching a hand out toward the man who wouldn’t stop coughing.

Standing up, Hoseok swayed and leaned on the table. “I apologize, I’m not feeling quite well…” His voice was shaky and his eyes glossy as he glanced at Changkyun briefly. Then, before Changkyun could do anything to stop him, he fell weakly to his side on the floor, holding himself up only to vomit. 

Changkyun rushed around the table, reaching out for the man and pulling him to rest his head on his lap. “Hoseok? Hoseok!” Changkyun chanted his name over and over, watching helplessly as the man panted viciously for air, gripping on his own shirt and chest in pain. Changkyun’s eyes moved all over his trembling body then around the room until he spotted a sickening sight: the pool of blood Hoseok had just spewed onto the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much wonkyun in this but there will be a lot more in the next chapter :(  
> never thought i'd have to do so much research on victorian meat and currency lmao but i guess i'm always researching something new every chapter for this story so it's an interesting process for sure.


	6. The Peacock Skirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If they see any weeping  
> That should have been sleeping,  
> They pour sleep on their head,  
> And sit down by their bed."

It was a great struggle getting Hoseok to his room. Changkyun had the man’s arm slung around his shoulders, propping him up with his good arm. The pain in his mangled hand was relentless, but Changkyun held onto Hoseok’s wrist tight. He couldn’t let this man down now that he needed him most. The two stumbled into Hoseok’s room, Changkyun panting after the arduous trip up the stairs. Still, he mumbled senseless things under his breath, hoping to keep Hoseok awake enough to move him onto his bed.

As Changkyun laid the man down onto the bed, tripping around the furniture and becoming tangled in the dark canopy in the process, Hoseok reached out. “Changkyun,” His voice was hoarse and hand shaky as he gripped onto the boy’s shirt. “Leave me.” He breathed out with a shuddered breath. The man was sweating enough that his hair was sticking to his forehead and his hand clawed at his shirt in desperation. His body craved to be cooled or at least relieved in some way.

Changkyun could feel himself freezing up. He had no idea what to do in a situation like this and seeing Hoseok of all people so sick, so weak, Changkyun was filled with the want to do something. He needed to do anything to help. He wasn’t going to let someone else slip through his fingers by acting like a scared child.

“I can’t leave you like this,” Changkyun whispered, hiding the fear in his voice with a tight grasp on Hoseok’s hand. Guiding it away, he began unbuttoning Hoseok’s shirt and helped it off the man. He couldn’t help staring at the strange scar to the left of his chest but pushed away his curiosities and stood up. “You need to get your fever down.”

Wetting some towels in the nearest washroom, Changkyun returned to Hoseok attempting to crawl across his bed toward the vanity. Immediately the boy rushed to his side and resituated the man in his bed. “What are you doing? You need to rest!” Changkyun scolded him and began laying a towel on the man’s head, keeping another soaked in a bowl. 

Changkyun rested the bowl on the vanity when Hoseok spoke up, “The blue vial… give it to me…” Hoseok lifted a hand in Changkyun’s direction, who looked around all the different bottles and cases. Once he spotted a blue bottle, he quickly handed it over to the man in bed. Hoseok spared no time and popped the lid off, the glass top rolling to the floor with a dull thud, and downing the whole bottle. The way Hoseok had ravaged the bottle had seemed as if he hadn’t eaten a thing in days. Then Hoseok let out a long sigh and dropped his arm at his side. He seemed completely weak, yet relieved. Changkyun wondered if he’d just drunken medicine for the sickness he mentioned earlier, though remained silent and watched the man soon drift off to sleep.

  
  
  


“Changkyun…” The sweet sound of a gentle voice stirred him from sleep. “Changkyun, are you sleeping?”

Rubbing his eyes, Changkyun sat up from his seat and remembered where he was and what had happened. “I suppose I fell asleep waiting… waiting for you to wake up.” He looked back to the bed and spotted Hoseok lying limp under the covers. He was masked somewhat by the canopy, bu he could still recognize the shape of Hoseok’s warm smile behind it.

“I’m sorry I made you so worried,” Hoseok coughed once, his voice barely managing to speak louder than a whisper. “You should go rest in your own room. I’m sure I won’t be much better for the rest of the night.” The man made a pained noise and moved a hand to his chest. He evened his breath as Changkyun stood from the lounge chair settled in a crevice of the room. 

Stretching his sore limbs, Changkyun pushed the canopy away and settled onto the very end of the bed. “I don’t need to go to my room. I’d rather stay here and watch over you until you’re better.” Thinking himself presumptuous, Changkyun quickly clarified, “That is, if you don’t mind. I can leave if you really don’t want me here.”

Hoseok tried chuckling, but stuttered out a laugh followed by several coughs instead. Propping himself up, he sat upright against the sturdy headboard lined with pillows. “No, I’d actually enjoy your company.” The man let out a heavy breath, removing the towel from his head while stray drops of water fell from the ends of his hair across the outlines of his face. He looked away from the other, down at the towel he pushed aside instead. “I was hoping to begin the painting today. Now I fear it may need to be postponed a few days more.” He glanced up at the boy with a sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Changkyun smiled and shook his head, flustered. “Not at all. You can’t help it that you’re sick.” Thinking it probably wasn’t the best time to bring up Hoseok’s chronic illness, the boy laughed to himself and looked away at his own bandaged arm. “Probably wouldn’t be the best day to start either, considering…”

“You’ve healed quite a bit, haven’t you?” Hoseok grinned at the other, proud of his supposed improvement. Changkyun gripped onto his injured wrist, smoothing a thumb over the layers of gauze in a sheepish motion.

“Well… It might take longer to heal completely after today.” Changkyun spoke with a nervousness in his voice. It was a nervousness that would’ve been subtle to anyone but the observant man across from him.

Hoseok raised a brow, pride replaced with concern in a flash. “Did something happen? Are you alright?”

It was almost ironic how someone as sick as Hoseok was asking Changkyun if he was alright. He did carry the man up those endless stairs earlier, after all. “Nothing terrible. I just…”

“Just…?”

Changkyun glanced up, then shied away. This wasn’t something worth bothering Hoseok with. It was his own problem and he’d already resolved the argument that brought on his injury anyway. “I got into a fight earlier.” He chuckled, “Just like me, right? Though we didn’t use fists and I didn’t really fight back at all this time.” He babbled on, “He’s quite intimidating, you know? That butcher. Maybe you don’t know him, but he’s tall and… robust. Anyway, we argued and he grabbed my arm earlier. I don’t think he realized his own strength but--”

“You said the butcher hurt your arm?” The look on Hoseok’s face was the type that made Changkyun guilty. He hated making Hoseok feel shocked or disappointed, and it was always quite clear on his face when he had. The man showed his emotions so easily, yet Changkyun still didn’t really understand much about the man. Hoseok looked to the boy’s arm, then back to Changkyun. “You said this happened today?”

Changkyun nodded once, then bit his lip. He forced out a smile though it was embarrassing to be telling this to Hoseok, now of all times especially. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. I suppose I’m still not used to it.” 

“Used to what?” Hoseok asked with another cough. Nodding toward the vanity again, he pointed toward the bottles that cluttered the glass top. “Could you get me the blue bottle? The one larger than the last.”

Eyes scanning the bottles, Changkyun found the large blue bottle with the long neck sitting behind several other bottles. Bringing it to Hoseok, he pulled the curtain aside completely and held it out for the man. Hoseok motioned to lift his hand, though fared too weak and tilted his head back against the headboard. “Could you bring it to my lips, Changkyun?” The man had switched to Korean, which only made the favor seem more desperate. The man’s lips looked parched dry and Changkyun licked his own. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he lifted the bottle to Hoseok’s lips and tipped it forward slightly until Hoseok signalled to stop. Hoseok let out a loud noise and caught his breath. Inhaling sharply, his head rolled to the side as he thanked the other, “You can leave it on the table beside the bed. It’s my medicine and I’ll need plenty more of it later.” As Changkyun set the bottle down with a dull clink of glass on glass, Hoseok said, “Please, continue.”

When he met with Hoseok’s eyes, he spoke more calmly in his first language as well, “Well… I’m not used to the stares. The constant feeling like I’m being watched… like I’m always under suspicion and being judged for just being here.” He thumbed at his bandages again to distract himself when he added, “It’s strange because despite all that unwanted attention, it feels like I’m being isolated.”

Hoseok nodded to himself before he fixed his position slightly. “I think I understand what you mean.” Changkyun was surprised to say the least. Someone like Hoseok being treated like someone like Changkyun was unbelievable. Hoseok spoke up, “I’ve had my fair share of poor experiences in this city. Of course, in a place like this, it’s the people like us who are in the wrong. We’re always the ones to blame for that discomforting feeling that crawls underneath their skin.” He let out an airy laugh, “Sometimes it seems like those people are the ones who’ve contracted an incurable disease.”

Changkyun tried smiling along, though it quickly faded. “Lately I find myself missing my old home more and more. Homesickness must be an incurable disease as well.” He tried to joke and relaxed when Hoseok smiled back at him so fondly.

“What’s it like over there?” Hoseok asked. His voice was still much more tender as he spoke in Korean, as difficult as it was for him to speak at the moment. “I haven’t been to Korea in a long time. I’m sure it’s changed a lot.”

Changkyun blinked and turned his body to face Hoseok better, further into the bed. “When were you last in the country?”

Hoseok breathed in steady and hummed, “Oh, I used to live there as a child. So it’s been some years since then.”

“Honestly,” Changkyun started then paused. Rubbing at his chin, he hummed and hesitated, thinking of what to say and what he definitely didn’t want to bring up right now. “Things are probably about the same as they have been since you remember.” He smiled with some sort of serenity in his expression. “The people are doing better now. They’re learning and finding more jobs, better jobs. The Emperor calls it the ‘Great Korean Empire’ now, but there’s still a long way to go before--”

“Emperor?” Hoseok interrupted, eyebrow cocked.

Changkyun nodded. “King Kojong declared us independent and made himself Emperor recently. Though I’m not sure how well things are going to be…”

Hoseok stared at the other with a fascinated gaze. “Why do you say that?”

There was a creeping feeling that felt alien to Changkyun yet was quickly taking hold of him. It left him with a sort of fear. He was scared of saying the wrong thing, even if he told himself and knew without a doubt that Hoseok would never hurt him because of it. Perhaps he’d just seen enough chaos at the hands of political opinions to really speak up at all. He’d felt too much pain already that even talking vaguely about politics or revolution or anarchy or whatever people called it was toxic. Then, he laughed to himself at how pathetic this situation was. He’d left that country to start over and ignore all that had happened across the ocean only to end up explaining it to someone anyway. Changkyun was cursed, it seemed.

“I just…” The boy sighed and scratched at his head. “I don’t think… the government will really help the people the way it is.” With a mirthless laugh, Changkyun shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes trained on his bandaged hand in his lap. “Everything’s tense over there. There are foreigners everywhere trying to fight for power and our emperor doesn’t know what to do in the middle of it all.”

Suddenly, a chuckle escaped Hoseok and Changkyun snapped out of his trance. This judgement was exactly what he was scared of and now all he could do was sit there and scold himself for even opening his mouth. “Heaps of foreigners, a useless government,” Hoseok listed off and smirked at the other. “All sounds like the state of this country, doesn’t it?”

Changkyun calmed his nerves. Hoseok was merely laughing about the observation, not at him. Changkyun smiled as well, at how pathetically he got himself worked up over this. “I suppose you’re right…”

“You know, when I asked you to tell me what it was like back in Korea I thought you’d talk about the sights or the food or your family. I never expected you of all people to be so interested in politics.” Hoseok laughed into a light cough. Patting at his own chest, he took slow breaths and cleared his throat.

Changkyun quirked a brow, “Why? Because I left?”

Hoseok shook his head. “You just didn’t seem the type.” Hoseok slid further into his sheets and held his head in slight pain. After a short groan, he sighed and looked at Changkyun beside him. “Would you mind telling me about that instead?”

“What’s there to tell?” Changkyun quipped. “There’s likely not much different from what you remember.”

Hoseok smiled despite his headache. “I meant about you. I want to hear stories from when you were young or what your family is like.” His smile and his words were like daggers straight to Changkyun’s chest. As much as Changkyun respected Hoseok and hoped to tend to his needs for the time being, he’d already resigned himself to forgetting about his life in the past. Photos of his parents were enough for him now. There was no reason to talk about them or how much he missed them with Hoseok. Really, Changkyun didn’t want to venture back into those memories. They overwhelmed him and he’d already been frightened and broken enough for the day.

“I’m sorry…” Changkyun stood and reached for the towelette sitting in the bowl of water. Rinsing out enough water, he laid it on Hoseok’s head, avoiding the man’s intense gaze all the while. “I’m actually feeling quite tired now. I think I’ll head to bed.” He grinned softly at Hoseok for a fleeting moment before he pulled himself away and toward the door. “You need to rest some more as well. Goodnight Hoseok.”

“Goodnight Changkyun.” He heard the man call out as he stepped into the hallway. Changkyun felt his heart drop at those two words. In part because of how guilty they made him feel about leaving the man so abruptly, and in part because of how lovely they sounded with that man’s tender voice.

  
  


Changkyun bit his lip and held his fist up to Hoseok’s door. Mustering up enough confidence to face the man again, he clutched the books at his side and knocked.

“Hoseok? Are you awake?” Changkyun asked and peeked through the door as he cracked it open. Hoseok was across the room, sitting weakly in his bed with the silk sheets a mess. The man was facing away, drinking more from the bottle Changkyun had left beside his bed the day before. The room was so dim with the curtains pulled and tied shut and the lights barely lit that one might not have even thought it was nearly after noon by now. Changkyun had spent most of his time the night before wallowing in his rudeness and guilt alone in his own room. He’d walked out on Hoseok after being so persistent to be by his side and help him back to health all because his family was brought up again. Thinking long and hard on it throughout the night, Changkyun finally convinced himself that reacting that way was childish. He wasn’t a child anymore and if he was going to be on his own in this country once his job with Hoseok was over, he needed to grow up.

Hoseok glanced back and set the bottle down back on the end table. Slipping back under his sheets, he beckoned the other inside. “Changkyun, I’m glad to see you.”

“How are you faring?” Changkyun shut the door behind him and glided over to the bedside. Pulling the canopy aside, he was troubled by the sickly state of his host.

Still, Hoseok smiled through it all. With a cough, he explained, “I fear not much better than when you left me last night. The fever’s gone momentarily, but it will likely be back later.” He nodded toward the bottle on his other side and settled further into his cushiony bed. “Fortunately I have enough medicine for the night. Though I’m not sure if I’ll need more come tomorrow.”

Changkyun’s eyes widened and the boy shot to his feet. “Do you need me to get you more? I’ll go out right now and--”

Hoseok shook his hand and dismissed the offer entirely. “No, don’t worry yourself over it. I’ll deal with it myself if it’s necessary.” He sighed, “It’s a very rare medicine and is quite difficult to get. Your average apothecary wouldn’t carry it.” Changkyun nodded to himself, curious about what was in the medicine that made it so hard to come by. Then, Hoseok perked up when he spotted the books at Changkyun’s side. “What did you bring with you today?”

Glancing down at the books, Changkyun took a seat on the edge of the bed and held them out to Hoseok. “They’re some of the books I brought with me from home.” He beamed, “These two are my favorites. I thought maybe you could keep yourself busy if you’re feeling up to it.”

Hoseok took the books into his hands and scanned them over, completely entranced by them both. Looking one over, he flipped through a few pages and smoothed a finger over the printed letters. There were endless pages of those words, Korean words, and it all fascinated the man. Changkyun watched on with curious enjoyment until Hoseok cleared his throat and lit up. “Thank you. I’ve never read something like this before.” He looked back excitedly at Changkyun, smile wider than someone who was so ill could usually manage. “These are new books, I take it?”

“No, they belonged to my parents.” Changkyun seemed to be radiating himself for the moment. Talking about books with such intriguing and adventurous stories as the ones in Hoseok’s hands always seemed to do that to him. “I’ve had them since I was a child.”

Hoseok’s grin transitioned into another soft, fond expression. “Your parents must love you so much. My mother only wanted me to do well in my studies, but she was never an advocate for my journey into the arts.” He laughed to himself, staring down at random drawings in the books. “She told me only peasants spend their time painting, not men of our standing. Needless to say I hid all my supplies when she’d visit my room.” Though the memory wasn’t very kind, Hoseok chuckled at the nostalgia. He opened his mouth to add another funny story when he froze and pushed the books aside. “Changkyun, what’s wrong? I hope I didn’t say something to upset you.”

Changkyun blinked and snapped out of whatever dazed trance he was in again. Swiping a hand across his cheek, he sniffled once and laughed at the sight of a smear of tears on his palm. He moved his hands over his cheeks three, four times until they were clear of any signs he’d cried. “I-I don’t know… It’s not what you said, it’s just…” Realizing how Hoseok was staring at him with such concern, such pity, Changkyun shut his eyes tight and lowered his head. Holding his forehead, the boy tried to breath in steady and overcome this sudden horrible feeling. “I thought I’d gotten over this by now. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize when you’re upset.” Hoseok reached out and took Changkyun’s hand into his own. Usually Changkyun would have flinched at the contact, his hand sensitive from the injuries, but Hoseok’s touch was so delicate. The man’s fingers were so soft as they caressed and comforted his trembling hand. “Tell me, what’s wrong?”

It took a moment, but Changkyun swallowed back his cries and sighed. “It’s my parents…” The room was quiet for some time, Changkyun composing himself enough to speak again. He told himself he didn’t want to talk about this, but for some reason his chest ached with the need to let it out. Hoseok’s hand kept him grounded and that was likely why Changkyun finally managed to push the words out for the first time. “My parents were nice, good people. They only wanted the best for me, for all their family.” Changkyun turned to face Hoseok better, settling into a spot on the side of the bed with a nostalgic look in his glossy eyes. “They supported my studies and my dream to be a writer.”

“That’s why you have so many books with you.” Hoseok interjected, looking over the covers of the two books set between them both.

Changkyun nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I loved to read, so I wanted to write too.” Twiddling his fingers, he stared at the fringe of his bandages coming undone as he mindlessly picked at it. “I ended up helping a newspaper for a few years. I didn’t do much at first since I was young. I was mostly there to help translate and review for errors.”

“Translate?” Hoseok quirked a brow. “You ran a Korean newspaper in English?”

Changkyun glanced up for a second, then fixed his gaze downward. “Only some of it. That was just how the paper ran. It was a very… progressive paper.” He sighed, “It was basically owned by a popular reformist group. Since Korea became independent, the group talked about ideas to make the country more modern, more…”

“Western?” Hoseok nodded. “I think I understand what you mean. It was a revolution.”

Changkyun shook his head and scoffed. “You could hardly call it that when nothing came from all the talk in the end anyway.” The boy paused, silence filling the room. Gripping the silky sheets tight in his other fist, Changkyun slowly uncurled his fingers when he noticed Hoseok holding his hand more firm. With a shaky breath, Changkyun lifted his face to meet with Hoseok’s eyes properly and continued, “The group got so popular because they advocated for the people. They called for democracy and open assemblies so of course they’d be appealing. Except there are always those in the top echelons of society that didn’t take kindly to their ideas.” Changkyun let out a mirthless laugh and looked around the grand bedroom he was in. “They were probably people who lived in mansions like this with wealth like yours.” His eyes found their way back to Hoseok’s and Changkyun quickly shied away. Instead, he watched as his fingers curled into Hoseok’s hand, felt how soft and comforting his skin was.

“They weren’t kind like you though. They arrested some of the group’s leaders and put the public in an uproar.” Changkyun took a deep breath and said, “I didn’t understand everything that was happening, but I went out with everyone else to the demonstrations. My neighbors, employers, even my parents were there. My parents… they joined the movement because I had been so involved in it. They were smart and kind people and because of me…”

Changkyun’s voice cracked choking back tears. As if he knew exactly where this was going, Hoseok soon reached out and wrapped his arms around Changkyun tight. He pulled the boy close to him, firm hands rubbing at his back while he consoled the boy. “Changkyun, it’s alright. You can cry.”

Breath hitched in his throat, Changkyun felt his vision become hazy. His eyes burned hot and his voice whimpered pained noises. He was finally crying, letting the tears roll out of him like they’d wanted to for nearly a year. The last time he had cried like this, not like when he’d lost his job or hurt his hand, but truly bawled and lost himself to uncontrollable, sorrowful wails, had been after he buried his parents. “It’s my fault they died. They were killed in the fighting and it’s all my fault.” He cried into Hoseok’s shoulder, clinging onto the man’s back with the most energy he could muster in that moment. “I was hit and almost arrested… I didn’t even see what happened. I only found them after. Then I just... ran away from it all.” He stuttered over his words, the details becoming jumbled as he muttered every horrible memory into Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok rubbed the boy’s back the whole time, shushing and lulling him past all the pain and melancholy. Changkyun felt miserable yet relieved in a way. To finally let out everything he’d kept bottled up for a year now was somehow satisfying. For as much as he had been dreading the day he’d relive the worst moment in his life, he felt completely safe.

  
  


Changkyun knocked on Hoseok’s door softly with his knuckles. Peeking through the door, he looked around the room and slid inside with a tray of food. “Hoseok? I brought you some dinner. You should eat.” His eyes landed on the bed shortly after shutting the door and realized the man was sound asleep. The canopy was pulled closed and there was hardly a sound aside from the floorboards creaking beneath Changkyun’s feet as he approached the bed. Leaving the tray of food on the end table beside the man’s bed, he realized that the large blue bottle of medicine was empty now. Changkyun looked to Hoseok with a concerned expression, though he knew not to make a fuss of it. The man said he’d deal with it if he needed more medicine. As much as Changkyun felt indebted to the man for taking such good care of him, even in the midst of falling ill, he told himself not to get involved. He wasn’t even sure what the medicine was, so it wasn’t like he really had much of a choice in the matter when he wouldn’t know what to get in the first place.

Opening the lid to the silver bowl on the tray, Changkyun checked on the dinner he’d made earlier. After leaving Hoseok to rest once he’d calmed down, Changkyun had gone into town and visited the market for some better ingredients. This time he avoided any fights and ignored any strange looks he might have gotten and finished his errands without a hitch. It was another soup, but it was likely much better than the last. He just hoped it’d stay hot by the time Hoseok woke up.

Changkyun glanced at Hoseok through the canopy. Slipping his hand through the curtain, he pushed it aside and got a better look at the man. One of Changkyun's books sat by his side, opened to whichever page he was on last. He looked so peaceful as he slept there, as if he wasn’t sick at all. Despite all the dim lighting in the room, Hoseok seemed to always be radiating. The muscles in his arms and chest moved across his body in smooth lines. His skin was flawless aside from the scar across his chest and Changkyun was dragged toward the bed by his unsatisfied curiosity. Sitting on the very edge of the bed, he leaned forward and got a closer look at the man’s scar. He traced a finger in the air just above the man’s chest, wondering just what had happened to leave such a dark, jagged mark on this man’s otherwise perfect body.

The light was so dim Changkyun found himself leaning further and further until Hoseok rolled his head to face Changkyun. The boy froze while the other made a noise like he was stirred awake. Sitting this a moment without taking a single breath, Changkyun’s heart raced at the possibility of being caught doing something strange while Hoseok was sleeping. Yet, Hoseok didn’t wake up. Instead, he seemed to slip further into his slumber and Changkyun let out a relieved sigh. 

Holding a hand over his chest, Changkyun relaxed somewhat until his eyes found themselves trained on Hoseok’s face. His expression was so serene and his features so handsome. This man had seen Changkyun at his ugliest and still he managed to smile and face him with such a calm and beautiful expression. Hoseok himself was the biggest curiosity of Changkyun’s and he didn’t see an end to it.

Changkyun’s chest was thumping like mad. He could feel it with his lingering hand, yet did nothing to slow it back to normal. Instead, his eyes stayed fixed on Hoseok’s face, as if he was enjoying the strange thrilling sensation he got from being so close to Hoseok now, getting the chance to see him so peaceful. As if hypnotized, Changkyun leaned further toward the other, the thumping infecting his ears and pounding wildly until Changkyun heard nothing else. No reasoning, no fears. He was deaf to the world around him as he leaned in and carefully placed a kiss on Hoseok’s plush lips. There was so much he’s told this man about himself, his past, his ambitions and fears, yet none of it amounted to the chaste kiss he sneaked in Hoseok’s sleep. If anything, it was Changkyun telling himself that he was completely enamored with this man.


	7. Nuda Veritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When wolves and tigers howl for prey,  
> They pitying stand and weep, -   
> Seeking to drive their thirst away,  
> And keep them from the sheep."

For the first time in the last few days, Changkyun could say that he thought Hoseok’s condition was certainly improving. The sickly discoloration had disappeared from his face and there wasn’t a drop of sweat on his forehead. Even his breaths had evened out. Hoseok was getting better and Changkyun couldn’t have been more relieved.

Then he realized just how worried he’d been all this time. Changkyun found himself tossing and turning at night with concern over his host’s condition. Now there was a weight lifted from his shoulders which Changkyun had only just acknowledged was there. He sat there on Hoseok’s bedside, contently watching the man sleep peacefully. That was another thing Changkyun hadn’t noticed until that very moment; how he hadn’t been happy in a long time.

Maybe it was because he finally told someone about what had happened to him and his family. He’d worn his heart on his sleeve in front of Hoseok and the man only listened and consoled him in return. There was no judgement, no blame or shame for something Changkyun had guilted and punished himself for a year now. Hoseok just seemed to appreciate finally understanding him some more. While it made Changkyun undeniably glad to have met someone like Hoseok at this time in his life, he could hardly say the feeling was mutual. He’d known the man for several weeks now and yet knew hardly a thing about Hoseok. He’d only recently found out about the man’s late brother, but there was still something mysterious lingering around him. It was buried in the walls of the whole house, constantly burning with its unspoken presence like the dull pendant lamps in every room.

Though Changkyun wasn’t one for snooping. There was no way he was going to sneak around his room and through his things while Hoseok was recovering. Like Hoseok had waited for Changkyun to open up to him, he would wait until Hoseok was ready to open up next. At least, he could only hope the man eventually would. Changkyun had become attached to the man and maybe that was because of how easily he related to Hoseok more than anyone else in this country. What seemed like the greatest reason of all however was the strange allure that emanated from the man whenever Changkyun was around him. There was something that just seemed to draw Changkyun to Hoseok and a voice in the back of his mind told him it was dangerous.

If there was one thing about Hoseok’s life that Changkyun had become accustomed to was his sleep schedule. Now Changkyun was waking up later and later to the point he was awake most of the nights Hoseok was. The only way to spend his afternoons waiting for Hoseok to wake up lately was to cook. With Hoseok nearly fully recovered, Changkyun found even more reason to cook something nice for them both. He soon stepped out for a quick trip to the nearby market, dressed in some more clothes from the wardrobe in his room.

It wasn’t long into his venture that Changkyun felt something was off. The streets were crowded the closer he came to the market, people whispering among themselves as they all stood around in awe at the gruesome sight down an alley. He told himself he didn’t need to see what the commotion was about, what the looks of disgust and horror on everyone’s faces were for, but that was the thing about crowds; they sucked mindless passerbys in like some heavy tide washing across the streets. Changkyun knew in the back of his mind there would be nothing good by squeezing past the men in front of him and getting a glimpse down the alley in question, but he never expected the sight before his eyes.

Not far into the alleyway was a body. It was a large man who’d been ripped apart at the throat and wrists. His stiffened hands were barely attached to the man’s arms from how deep the cuts had been, body slumped against a wall and clothes torn and drenched in blood. There was a pool of blood beneath him, spilling into the street and drying between the cracks of the cobblestone. The smell and noise from bystanders was unbearable, but it was the realization of who the dead man was that made Changkyun turn away from the scene. 

It was the corpse of the local butcher Changkyun had squabled with just a few days ago. The realization and the smell of so much blood made him hold some bile in the back of his throat as he pushed against the crowd for air.

“Hey, you!” A familiar voice called out from aside the crowd, directed toward Changkyun. When he managed to break free from the rest of the onlookers, he looked around until he noticed the man who’d called out to him. At least, Changkyun was pretty certain the man was speaking to him since no one else had taken their eyes off the murder to look at the man.

Changkyun had recognized him fairly quickly as well. It was the officer he’d spoken with briefly during his little fight with the butcher the other day. Though now, as the man moved closer to Changkyun, his face was set with a horror masked by a stern, professional front. All in all, the man was much more intense than when Changkyun had first met them, likely because his friend had just been found bled and tossed into a dark alleyway.

“You’re the one from the other day, aren’t you boy?” The officer waved his baton at Changkyun who froze in place. When he nodded without a word, the man stared right down at him without batting an eye. “What do you know about this, huh? Did you see anything last night?”

The man was way too close for comfort and Changkyun sheepishly looked down at his feet. He shook his head, “I don’t know anything more than those people do.” He glanced up at the man and cocked a brow. “Why are you asking me about it?”

Though the officer smirked with a dark twist of his lips. He was furious. “That’s  _ sir _ to you boy. And I’m interrogating everyone… dubious ‘round here.”

“Dubious?” Changkyun repeated. The notion he was under suspicion just for being here was aggravating to say the least.

“Yeah, dubious. You know what that means don’t you?” The man’s accent only exaggerated the mocking tone in his voice. He explained, “Right now, you’re the most suspicious actually.”

“What?!” Changkyun shouted and stepped back, aghast at the accusation.

The officer tapped his baton on Changkyun’s shoulder to keep him in place. “The more I think about it, you’re the only suspicious one around here. Didn’t you have a fight with him just a few days ago?” He looked Changkyun up and down, putting pressure on his shoulder and guiding them both back toward a wall. Changkyun was cornered by the man’s intimidation. His voice was low while he spoke between gritted teeth. “I’ve never seen an act so disgusting and barbaric as this until you showed up ‘round here. Tell me, where do you live? You certainly don’t look like you belong here.”

And there it was. The creeping feeling across his spine that made Changkyun tense up involuntarily. Maybe this man had every reason to suspect someone like Changkyun of an unordinary crime like this. But he knew deep down that wasn’t the only reason why, and the man was spelling it out clearly for him under his professional pretense. Changkyun didn’t belong here; he was an outsider and that might as well have been a crime in itself. As much as he wanted to deny the accusations, yell out in anger at the constant suspicion put on him, he couldn’t. Any emotional reaction would just put him in a worse position. He learned that much from his squabble with the butcher who was now stiffening around the corner.

“Well where were you last night?” The officer peered right into Changkyun’s eyes with a spiteful squint. “Had to come back and finish things between you two?”

“No!” Changkyun snapped back and immediately swallowed his voice back into his throat. He looked down at his feet, shoulder sore from how roughly the baton prodded him against the wall. “I didn’t do anything to him, I swear. I was…” He trailed off and pursed his lips. He didn’t want to get Hoseok involved in any of this too and fibbed, “I was with a friend last night.”

“All night?” The man didn’t let up and Changkyun held back a frustrated sigh.

“Yes, sir.” He paused. “May I go now?”

With nothing else to hold against him, the officer gave Changkyun one last look up and down before stepping back. The man waved him off, though not without a final warning. “Don’t cause any trouble now. We’re dealing with enough ‘round here now.”

Changkyun was relieved and turned away. He rubbed at his sore shoulder, thinking he was free to get some food, if he could even stomach it anymore, until he was pushed back against the wall. His cheek hit the brick suddenly and Changkyun winced. His hand was grabbed tight and held up beside his head. Before he could even ask any questions, the officer gripped onto his sleeve and held it up into view for them both.

“If you wanted to pull the wool over my eyes maybe you should’ve been more careful,” The man practically yelled into his ear, pinning him against the wall with the baton across his back. “There’s still blood all over your sleeve.”

Changkyun blinked and gathered his senses, or as much as he could fathom at the moment. “What? What blood…?” His eyes darted toward the sleeve of his shirt and opened wide in shock. There was indeed quite the stain on his sleeve. How did he not notice this earlier? When could he have gotten blood on his clothes anyway? “It’s not… That’s not right!” A thought clicked in his mind and he lit up from under the officer’s hold. “It’s my arm! I have bad cuts on that arm from an accident.”

“Oh really now?” The officer tugged down the sleeve and pulled back Changkyun’s arm at a painful angle for a better look. The man ripped off the bandages around the boy’s hand and huffed. “You’d best quit lying to me unless you want to get beat before I take you in.” To Changkyun’s shock, there was hardly a sign of injury on his arm at all. All that was left on his wrist and hand were a few bruises, but no open wounds. In fact, his hand seemed almost completely normal again.

The officer pulled out some handcuffs from his side, enclosing them around Changkyun’s exposed wrist. Changkyun was completely subdued and in the blink of an eye he was being pinned for a murder he was certain he had no part in.

  
  


This was not happening. That’s all that ran through Changkyun’s mind. This couldn’t be real. Sure he’d been through some terrible situations, but never had he dreaded being in such circumstances. But it was all too real. Everything was damp and freezing and the smell was unbearable. If someone had died in this cell before Changkyun joined he wouldn’t have been shocked. He was cramped in with a dozen other men, sick either physically or in the head. This was a place Changkyun had never imagined he’d end up. He did his best to avoid it. So much for that.

Changkyun sat by himself, reservedly squatted by a wall and staring off at his cursed sleeve. He had no clue how this blood had gotten on him. He wasn’t even sure whose blood it really was. All Changkyun could tell was that it was dark, had a musty smell, and made him sick to his stomach the longer he worried about it.

Then he started to worry about his fate. A man, a respectable man in a high-end community, had been murdered in cold blood. His body was mutilated, Changkyun saw it for himself. Now everyone thought the one who’d done it was the strange, unwelcomed Korean boy who’d been lingering around their neighborhood for some time. There was no way he could convince them otherwise. The only thing more frustrating about this whole situation than Changkyun being imprisoned or even put to death for such a horrible crime was how the real killer was going to get off free. Who was to say he wouldn’t kill like that again?

The police didn’t care about that though. They just wanted to maintain their reputation, reassure the rich folk that they were safe in their little bubble and themselves that their pockets would stay lined with money. This was a crime they wanted to deal with swiftly and Changkyun was the perfect scapegoat for that agenda. It all made sense but it was making Changkyun go mad in his mind. What do you do when there’s literally nothing you can do in the first place? Changkyun sunk his head into his knees, holding his breath as he tugged lightly at his hair. It was hopeless.

Then a club clamored against the bars of his cell. The officer won everyone’s attention until a few of the men who’d been here far too long had cowered in fear. “Hey you,” He shouted above the noise Changkyun’s inmates were making. The sound of the gate being opened alerted him. “You! Chinaman! Come with me!” The tall man shouted with no patience left in his voice.

Changkyun was hesitant for a moment until the door was opened. Rising to his feet, he darted across the cell and mumbled to the officer, “I’m not Chinese…” Though when the man glared at him, he quickly added, “Sir.”

Locking the door behind Changkyun, the officer turned away and began leading the other down a hall. “If you don’t want to stay in there then just shut up and follow me.” Though the man’s attitude didn’t make Changkyun feel much better about his circumstances, the fact he was led back up to the station’s foyer without any cuffs or restraints certainly confused him. That is, until a familiar voice soon called out to him and lifted his spirits.

“Changkyun!” He lifted his head and spotted Hoseok standing by some steps. The man was draped in a fitted coat and sleek trousers all in patterns and cuts that made him the most refined-looking gentleman in the room. Changkyun knew that Hoseok would look fantastic even in the simplest attire, as long as he had that breathtaking smile he had now as he saw Changkyun round a corner behind his escort.

Changkyun fluttered his eyes in disbelief and looked Hoseok up and down. “You’re standing?” Changkyun noted in a questionable tone. The man seemed to be in better condition than ever and it left Changkyun brimming with joy. He glanced at a clock in the distance as Hoseok rushed toward him. “It’s not that late, how did you--”

His words became muffled as Hoseok wrapped his arms around him tight. The man let out a deep sigh, curling his fingers through the back of Changkyun’s hair. It was like he could finally relax now that the other was back in his arms. “I couldn’t find you anywhere. It had been hours and I knew something wasn’t right.” He breathed in and Changkyun tensed up. He reached up briefly around the man as if to hug him back before Hoseok pulled away. He looked down at the other with a concerned look. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

Shaking his head, Changkyun dropped his arms at his side and his eyes onto the ground. The fact Hoseok had found him here and found him in this situation was embarrassing to say the least.

“What the hell are you doing out?” The man who had arrested Changkyun earlier came speeding down the steps of the staircase beside them both, a nervous subordinate tailing right behind. He snapped at the man who let Changkyun free, “Who told you to let him out? He’s a suspect!”

Hoseok turned his attention from Changkyun to the man instead. “I did…” He reached out a hand to shake with the officer who was surprised by the notion.

“Captain Donnelly.” He looked confused the longer he stayed in contact with Hoseok before raising his voice again. “And just who are you? You can’t just let out my suspect without--”

“Captain, my name is Wilhelm Shin and I believe there’s been a mistake.” Hoseok interrupted and held onto the man’s hand. He nodded toward Changkyun as the other merely stood there in uncertainty. “My dear friend has been arrested for a crime he didn’t commit. He’s been with me these last few days after I had fallen ill. Certainly nowhere near any murders.”

The captain glared at Hoseok and scoffed under his breath. “Again, who are you? Why should I take your word?” His hand fidgeted in Hoseok’s grip, still firm around him. Increasingly frustrated, the officer said, “That man is a suspect to the murder of--”

Hoseok gripped the man’s hand tighter, pulling him closer abruptly. “I’ve heard word about what happened, just like I’ve heard word about how a certain few men on the force have been skirting their duties and collecting from certain… establishments in Five Points.” The officer’s eyes blew open wide and he stuttered over his words. Hoseok on the other hand only held him tight in place and smirked. “If you truly care so much about your job then you’d be loyal to the commissioner instead of the mob, wouldn’t you?”

Both Changkyun and the captain stood there flabbergasted. The captain didn’t back down and glared at Hoseok, yelling, “What are you trying to say? Are you trying to intimidate me?”

Hoseok’s face turned into something stern, something dark. “I’m just telling you to do your job right, Captain… And leave Changkyun out of your investigation.” Hoseok let the man go and turned to Changkyun. Guiding him away to the exit, the two left without another word to the captain. Changkyun could only smile to himself as he heard the captain scold his subordinates out of frustration.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Hoseok softened his voice as the two rode a carriage back to the mansion. Changkyun resigned himself to staring out the window at the passing buildings. It was always strange seeing how the city transitioned into the pristine upscale neighborhood Hoseok resided in. Changkyun had never been so happy to see that neighborhood again.

“Changkyun?” Hoseok’s voice snapped him out of his trance and Changkyun spun his head around. Hoseok had sat beside him this time and suddenly Changkyun felt how small the carriage really was.

Nodding, Changkyun showed a small smile. “I’m fine.” He replied and looked back out the window. “Honestly, I was terrified earlier… but you helped me.” He let out a light chuckle and added, “I’m not sure how many times you’ve helped me now.”

Suddenly Changkyun felt a hand reach for his. When he’d turned around his eyes met with Hoseok’s and his heart fluttered. Hoseok confessed, “You were the one who saved me. Don’t forget that.”

The carriage shook with a few bumps in the road and Changkyun slipped his hand free. Rubbing his hands in his lap, he looked away toward the streets once more. Though this time he wasn’t focused on the buildings at all. “I’m just glad to know you’re alright again.”

“I’m better than alright,” Hoseok added. His eyes never left Changkyun despite the other’s shyness. “I’m actually hoping to begin our painting when we return home.”

Changkyun blinked and looked back at the man, flustered. “Y-You mean, the painting. The nude painting?” The smile dropped from his face as he looked over himself in dismay. “Is it really the right time? I think I got a little dirty earlier and we haven’t eaten yet and…” He trailed off with excuses until Hoseok calmed him down with just a smile. He always looked at Changkyun so fondly it made him completely weak.

“Don’t worry. You can have a bath and I’ll prepare dinner,” Hoseok said. “We can start the painting whenever you’re ready, even if that’s not tonight. It’s all your decision.”

It always surprised Changkyun just how generous Hoseok could be. Though at this point he didn’t expect anything less. There was a reason Changkyun respected and admired him, why he had become so enamored with him. Changkyun was completely comfortable with letting Hoseok see him for how he was, in every sense. Hoseok was the person he trusted the most in this world.

Changkyun nodded, “Then let’s start the painting tonight.”

  
  


An odd turning in his stomach told Changkyun he had made a grave mistake. He thought for a moment that maybe it was just the food he’d eaten once they returned to the house, but quickly brushed it off. The meal was delicious and Changkyun was grateful to Hoseok for going to the trouble of making him something so exquisite. He was completely relaxed in the tub as he took a much-needed bath after the chaos earlier that day. Though now as he stood there in front of the mirror with a silky robe from Hoseok’s wardrobe hiding his body, he was panicking. He was about to go meet Hoseok in a room Hoseok had spent time and energy organizing into the perfect, picturesque scene but Changkyun was much too nervous to go down and take a look. They were about to do a nude painting. He was about to be completely naked in front of Hoseok of all people and there was no way he could go back by now.

Changkyun repeated that fact in his mind over and over again like it was some motto. At least, it was a motivation for him to step down the stairs and make his way toward the room Hoseok had only briefly showed him weeks ago. Standing outside the door, Changkyun swallowed a lump in his throat and breathed in slow. He twisted the doorknob and stepped inside to a beautiful sight: there were candles lit all around the room, surrounding and illuminating an ornate chaise longue in the center of the room. There were all sorts of fabrics draped across the back and the cushions, even some trailing onto the floor and expensive rug below. A small divan sat just away from the chair, a table beside the armrest of the chair and various, small things scattered about the floor. Changkyun tried to get a good look at what they might be until Hoseok startled him.

“Ah, there you are.” Hoseok chimed and put his materials down. On the other side of the room there was a large easel, if you could call it that, adjusted to fit the sheer size of the canvas Hoseok planned to paint on. Changkyun left his mouth gaping in awe at the unexpected size and became more flustered. His naked body was probably going to be life size judging by the size of that canvas.

Hoseok meanwhile was gleaming with excitement. He took Changkyun by the arm and guided him toward his spot on the chair. “Here, here. I thought it would look nice if you sat here, resting against the corner.” He laughed to himself and smoothed his hand over the sheet of fabric he wanted Changkyun to lay on. “You’ll look great reclining and it will be much more comfortable. I’m planning to sketch most of you and the furniture tonight. Not the patterns of course, that would take much too long.” He chattered on and on about his plans while Changkyun stood there and half-listened. While he was happy to see how excited Hoseok was to finally begin his next great painting, Changkyun could hardly say the same.

When he finally realized something was off, Hoseok rested his hand on Changkyun’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “What’s wrong? Having doubts?”

Changkyun immediately shook his head, tightening the grip he had on the enclosure of his robe. “I want to finally start it, I just…” He paused and bit his lip. “I don’t know if I’m really what you want for a painting like this.” To hide his embarrassment, Changkyun smiled and laughed through his excuses, pointing to all the props around them. “Look at all this stuff. It’s so fancy and I’m…”

“Not?” Hoseok finished his sentence, making Changkyun cringe. It sounded so typical of him at this point, but Changkyun couldn’t help it. Instead, Hoseok sighed and held Changkyun’s shoulders firm. “Changkyun, you don’t have to be worthy for me to paint you. You don’t have to prove anything to me. I want to paint you. You’re the model I want.” His lips curved into that menacing smile of his and Changkyun knew right away how easily he was about to be persuaded. Still, his words struck him deep as Hoseok said softly, “You inspire me, Changkyun.” Slowly, Hoseok moved his fingers across the edges of Changkyun’s robe. He acted so quietly and carefully, as if Changkyun was so fragile he’d shatter with a single instance of carelessness. 

Luckily for Changkyun, Hoseok was always delicate.

“May I?” Hoseok asked with a low whisper. Changkyun wanted to answer, but his voice became caught in his throat. Instead, he nodded twice and tensed his shoulders when he felt Hoseok’s fingers smooth between his skin and the fabric. Hoseok gently pushed the collar off the other’s shoulders, pulling his hands away to undo the waistband. In moments the robe had fallen to their feet and Changkyun stood there before Hoseok, fists relaxing at his sides when Hoseok took a step back and admired all of him.

Hoseok grinned and whispered, “Captivating.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! they're painting! lmao  
> the plot is getting thicker and more secrets will unravel soon~  
> will changkyun get closer to hoseok or will something (or someone) come between them??  
> you'll find out soon enough~~
> 
> if it wasn't clear, the captain is supposed to be irish and he's involved somehow with one of the many irish gangs that existed in new york at the time. i actually had to do a lot of interesting research this time, mostly about the police, handcuffs, jail, etc.. still this is dramatized and not supposed to be a research paper so take it with a grain of salt. i think the weirdest thing to look into was cobblestone but im trying to be somewhat accurate so it was a necessity lol


	8. Daydream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But, if they rush dreadful,  
>  The angels, most heedful,  
>  Receive each mild spirit,  
>  New worlds to inherit."

“This will be fantastic.” Hoseok beamed as he reached a hand out toward Changkyun. His eyes were still entranced by the other’s body until their hands met and Hoseok held Changkyun’s in his. The man’s eyes shot upward and stared right at Changkyun’s flushed face. Fortunately it seemed like he hadn’t noticed how bashful Changkyun had become as he desperately tried to keep any signs of nervousness at bay. 

Without another word, Hoseok guided Changkyun toward the couch, never once taking his eyes off him as he sat the boy down. It was strange to be sitting on such an expensive couch and lush fabrics naked, but what was most unnerving of all was the feeling he got the longer Hoseok stared down at him. It was quiet for some time; Changkyun settling into the couch in a basic pose he thought would be enough and Hoseok watching him all the while. Then Hoseok hummed and suddenly leaned forward. Changkyun held his breath as Hoseok got closer and loomed over him as he fixed the positioning of some fabrics on the back of the chair.

“I need you to recline but I’m worried that might be too cliche.” Hoseok said before flashing a grin at Changkyun below him. “I certainly don’t want a painting of the most interesting person I’ve met in a long time to be boring.”

Changkyun’s heart pounded against his chest. He should’ve known this whole situation would be relentless on his sanity. Now he had to sit there in agony trying to hold back a little gasp as Hoseok glided a hand over his knee. Parting the leg away from the other, Hoseok slowly propped Changkyun’s leg onto the cushion. His fingers brushed under Changkyun’s thigh, making him swallow back a noise and look away. Changkyun was only beginning to come to grips with his admiration for the man and so he was doubly sensitive to Hoseok’s gentle touch across his skin. It was maddening.

“That’s perfect!” Hoseok exclaimed in a boust of ingenuity. Suddenly he was leaning closer toward Changkyun’s face, hand cupping his cheek and holding Changkyun’s head up. His fingers slipped through strands of Changkyun’s hair, still damp from his bath, and while it tickled his scalp the slight sensations sent shivers down his spine. “Keep your head turned like this, toward the canvas. It’d be much better if you looked at the viewer.”

Changkyun cleared his throat and scooted lower, settling further into the seat. “Viewer?” He repeated and only glanced briefly at the other man before staring at the back of the canvas across the room. He batted his eyes a few times at how Hoseok’s fingers still lingered over his neck and inner thigh, though he knew perfectly well the man was only trying to help him keep the position.

Hoseok nodded and slipped his hand away once Changkyun’s head was resting on the arm of the couch and a pillow squished behind him. He explained, “If you want to think about it another way, it’d be how I would see the painting. I’d like it if I got to see your eyes clearly.” Focusing on Changkyun’s lower half, he gently pushed up the other’s knee toward the back of the chair, draping one of the golden, silky fabrics across his leg until it was twisted just right around his calf. Hoseok smiled to himself and added softly, “Your eyes are very soft. They’re something precious.”

Keeping his head as still as he could, Changkyun struggled to relax the longer Hoseok smoothed his hands over his body. He moved a hand over his stomach and fiddled with the fringe of one of the sheets at his side. “I’m not sure my eyes are so incredible.” Changkyun let out a small, sheepish laugh and glimpsed at Hoseok still fixing his other leg into an elongated position, hanging off the chair and dipping onto the ground.

Hoseok’s expression said nothing until he replied, “Much about you is incredible, Changkyun.” He met with Changkyun’s eyes and this time the two stared at each other for some time until Hoseok looked away to his legs. He chuckled and moved his hand slowly up Changkyun’s leg stretched off the chair. “Not only your eyes, even your skin is soft.” 

His hand stopped at Changkyun’s mid-thigh when the other man stuttered in response, “I-I don’t… grow hair easily.” Changkyun could feel his face getting hot, but he looked away at the canvas to distract himself instead. He mindlessly babbled on, “You probably noticed already though. Even when I was younger I had thinner hair.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind.” Hoseok laughed and lightly squeezed Changkyun’s thigh as he stood upright. He said, “It’ll be easier to paint you.”

“Is that why you prefer women?” Changkyun asked as Hoseok took a step back for one last look at everything from a distance. For a moment Hoseok returned his gaze and shook his head, brows furrowed and arms crossed in concentration. Changkyun quickly seized the opportunity to clarify his question, “I mean when you paint. You like women better?”

He answered, “I don’t prefer either men or women.” Reaching out, Hoseok took Changkyun’s limp arm and pulled it away from the chair. Hoseok had his model’s arm rest across the end of the small divan, the other still settled across his stomach. “I think most artists tend to paint women because of their natural allure. That or they are quite the pervert.” Hoseok laughed.

Changkyun quirked a brow as Hoseok stepped away again. “Pervert?” He asked, “What does that mean?”

Hoseok glanced up and smirked. “How should I explain… A sexual deviant?” He hummed and repeated in Korean for Changkyun. 

“O-Oh…” Changkyun mumbled and felt embarrassed. It was almost ironic that he didn’t know the word for what he was quickly becoming just moments ago. 

Hoseok turned away and moved behind his canvas. There were materials scattered all across the ground around his feet, storage half-opened with brushes and oils peeking out. From where he was sitting and how he was positioned, Changkyun could see Hoseok standing in front of his canvas perfectly clear.

“Comfortable I hope.” Hoseok spoke up and rolled up his sleeves.

Changkyun let out his last nervous breath and smiled to himself. “I’m fine. I could probably fall asleep like this.” He replied. Though he thought there was honestly no need for him to sleep there considering how happy he was to watch Hoseok as he worked.

Sharpening his pencils, Hoseok chuckled along. “If you do feel tired then by all means rest. It was a chaotic day, wasn’t it?” For a moment Hoseok put his pencil between his lips to push the straps of his suspenders off his shoulders. Changkyun held his breath until the sounds of scratches on the canvas told him Hoseok had begun.

“Today was definitely strange and alarming.” Changkyun said. Though he tried laughing it off, “At least it wasn’t my first time getting arrested.”

Hoseok’s eyes darted from his model to his work. For the first time they felt piercing and cold and Changkyun realized this was how Hoseok really looked when he worked; clothes loose and messy, hair pushed out of his face, lips pursed and an expression like his face was somewhat pinched. He’d never seen the man take anything so seriously before. Changkyun appreciated it because it seemed to be less attention on him and allowed him a moment to just stare.

“That’s right. You said you were arrested before in Korea.” Hoseok nodded to himself, though was still easily focused on his work. That didn’t stop him from flashing a fleeting grin and adding, “From everything you’ve told me you seem to live quite the dangerous life. Should I know of any other memorable events of your troublemaking?”

“Nothing I can recall.” Changkyun chuckled though made sure not to disrupt Hoseok’s work. “How about you?” Changkyun asked. “Any times you acted recklessly?”

Changkyun was slowly realizing what an opportunity this sitting was. Hoseok was busy but he could still talk. That meant Changkyun could finally delve a little deeper and find out more about him. His curiosity at least kept him from boredom.

“Me?” Hoseok said, taken aback. With a smile, he denied it. “When I was younger, of course not. As I started traveling I became somewhat more reckless, you could say.” A few more scratches resounded off the canvas. Hoseok leaned forward, eyes trained on the small spot he was working on. When he stepped back to compare the perspective, he added, “That’s likely a consequence of growing up trapped indoors. I hadn’t the slightest idea of what it was like to live out in the real world.”

Changkyun almost felt intrusive for hearing more personal thoughts from Hoseok, but he was completely entranced. While his model sat there quietly watching him work, Hoseok droned on. “My brother was more of the risk-taker.”

“Hyunwoo?” Changkyun perked from across the room.

Hoseok grinned at the mention of his brother’s name. Changkyun wasn’t sure if it was a fond smile for the great memories or because Changkyun had actually committed the name to memory. “Hyunwoo was very talented and adventurous. He was always out playing games or training. He had dreams much greater than my own.” Hoseok laughed as his eyes darted between his model and canvas.

“What did he train in?” Changkyun asked.

Hoseok blinked and replied, “Swordsmanship of course.” His hand made long, deeper strokes across the width of the canvas. “My father had passed our family’s treasured sword to him, but Hyunwoo passed shortly after then. It was buried with him.”

Changkyun kept his eyes trained on the other man, curiosity filling his thoughts as he tried to refine the image in his mind more clearly. “Why didn’t you take it?”

With a pause, Hoseok stared at the canvas before grabbing an eraser. Rubbing the ball across the surface, he brushed the dust away and dug through his materials. “Because,” He started and pulled out a long measuring stick. “It didn’t belong to me. It was Hyunwoo’s.”

It was easy to see how much Hoseok had respected his elder brother. Changkyun smiled to himself at the thought of how close the two must have been. “It must be nice to have a brother.” He said and sighed. “Being an only child could be quite lonely sometimes.”

Hoseok glanced up, expression nonchalant when he added, “I have four younger sisters as well.”

Changkyun he nearly jumped from his pose in shock. “Four?!” He shouted, holding back the urge to spring up from the seat. “Where are they now? Why did you never mention them until now?”

“You never asked.” Hoseok chuckled. He held the measuring stick up to the canvas and began drawing lines. “I wasn’t very close with them, though. They married off fairly young, back in Korea.” A small smile spread across his lips while he drew. He mumbled, “They were all so beautiful it’s no surprise they were married so easily. Even Hyunwoo had a reputation for being good-looking.”

“And you?” Changkyun asked. “Surely it was the same for you. You’re the handsomest man I’ve met.” When he realized what he’d said, he felt his ears heat up. Biting back an embarrassed noise, Changkyun averted his eyes and hoped Hoseok didn’t think anything of his comment. He wasn’t sure why he was being so forward all of a sudden. It was definitely not because of his nudity, that was certain. Maybe it was the canvas that slightly divided the both of them, giving them both space. Changkyun seemed to be much more relaxed with his words with that distance. It was a double-edged sword, it seemed.

On the other hand, Hoseok merely let out a single laugh and shook his head. “In my case I had a reputation for being sick. That and…” He trailed off and bit his lip. Furrowing his brow, his face disappeared further behind the canvas.

Changkyun watched with a cautious demeanor. “And?”

Hoseok’s face came back into view as he put the measuring stick away. This time, he looked directly at Changkyun, a small sad smile across his lips. “That I killed my brother.”

Changkyun’s eyes widened. “Who would say something like that?”

“Relatives. Family friends. Plenty of people said it behind my back when they saw me.” Hoseok grinned more genuinely and turned back to his canvas. “I’m glad you don’t seem to believe it, though.”

“Of course I wouldn’t! That’s a horrible rumor.” The model suddenly felt a deep sympathy for the other man. The more he learned about Hoseok’s past, the more tragic the truth became. It may have been better if Changkyun had never asked questions in the first place, if he had never wanted to find out more about Hoseok’s life. He could’ve just admired the man for some time with his shallow knowledge of the real him. But falling for someone didn’t make a relationship like that possible. The two of them were too involved with each other now to not open up to one another.

“It wasn’t unreasonable, though.” Hoseok said. “I was with him during the hunting trip. I was the only one with him when he died. But I didn’t kill him.” His eyes turned darker as he stared at his work in front of him, intently focused. “It was a beast.”

While Changkyun was at a loss for words, Hoseok quickly took in a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back in circles. “I don’t think I’ve told anybody about any of this before. I hope it won’t affect your opinion of me, Changkyun.” Hoseok said and looked to the other.

Changkyun raised a brow. “Why would it?”

Hoseok smirked. “That’s what I like about you Changkyun. You’re not afraid.”

As happy as he was to hear those words, they were wrong. Changkyun had plenty to be afraid of. In fact, sitting there naked in front of Hoseok had him absolutely terrified. Hoseok was the one always unafraid of what people thought of him or how they might treat him. He never showed weakness despite all the odds stacked against him. Changkyun on the other hand was completely weak. Too weak to change the world around him, too weak to keep his parents safe, too weak to fight back when he was threatened. He was so weak he ran away from everything all the time. Now that Hoseok was the one making Changkyun feel weak over and over the more he felt attracted to the man, Changkyun had to wonder if he’d run away from him eventually.

After all, as far as Changkyun knew, he was only a model to Hoseok. Everything they had now was temporary. It’d all disappear in a few more weeks’ time. That future certainly left Changkyun afraid.

  
  


Another shiver crawled across Changkyun’s skin and his outstretched leg grew goosebumps. It was getting noticeably colder the longer Changkyun sat there frozen in his position naked. Too bad he couldn’t just wrap himself up in the fabrics he was lounging on, he thought.

“Are you cold?” Hoseok asked from across the room. They had chatted for some time but for the last hour or so everything had been quiet in the room. Only the ticking of a clock and the scratching of Hoseok’s pencil on paper could be heard for a while. Until Changkyun yawned, that is.

“And tired…” Changkyun licked his dry lips and resisted the urge to rub at his aching eyes. He’d remained awake for Hoseok’s work thus far but it was starting to drain him. It was well past midnight already and with the two barely conversing anymore there was hardly anything to keep his mind from drifting off toward sleep.

Hoseok put his pencils down across the edge of the easel, brushing his hands against each other to tap the dust and excess lead off. Walking over, he grabbed the robe Changkyun had discarded earlier and held it out for the other. “Here, you should get some proper rest.”

“But,” Changkyun blinked and slowly sat up. He was surprised how sore his muscles were after keeping the same position for hours. “What about the painting?”

“It’ll be here tomorrow.” Hoseok brushed Changkyun’s concern aside and opened the robe for him to put on. “I’ve gotten much of the basic sketching done regardless. It’ll be fine. It’d be worse if I kept you any longer in this cold air.” He looked all around the room and added, “I should’ve lit a fire before we started.”

Meanwhile Changkyun slipped his arms through the sleeves of the robe, bringing the ends together to cover himself. The feeling of such silky clothes over his body again was almost strange. Though, not as strange as the feeling he’d gotten once he turned around and was met with Hoseok leaning close to his face. Surprised, Changkyun stumbled over his stiff legs and fell back onto the couch. He’d let out a small yelp in shock before pinching his lips closed and biting back anymore noises when he noticed Hoseok hovering above him. 

Granted, the man was propping himself up with the back of the chair as support and only one leg bent over the edge, but he was still practically on top of Changkyun, enclosing him in such a small space. This chair felt so spacious before and now it was as if the whole room had shrunken and compacted him the the point it felt difficult to breath.

“Here,” Hoseok mumbled and reached his hand out toward Changkyun’s face. The model held his breath when the man swiped a thumb gently under his eye. He held it up for Changkyun to see and pulled back, smiling. “You had a few tears in your eyes. Must have been from yawning.” Standing up, he held out a hand toward the other and helped him back on his feet. “Be careful now. We should take more breaks during our next sitting so your body doesn’t stiffen up so much.”

“Right…” Changkyun muttered under his breath, averting his gaze toward the ground. He busied himself tying his robe shut and scolded himself for acting so bizarre today. Maybe he was just worked up from the incident that afternoon and jittery because of his anxiousness with starting the painting. Though really, he knew he couldn’t deny it had nothing to do with Hoseok. The more certain he was of the fact he admired Hoseok, the more every little thing Hoseok did had a paralyzing effect on him. Changkyun was quite easily becoming a mess around Hoseok.

  
  


That admiration was something that began to trouble Changkyun’s every thought. He tossed and turned in bed as the silence around him made his feelings and emotions much more blaring in his head. The next day had hardly been any better. Wandering the corridors, Changkyun preoccupied himself with some chores to pass the afternoon. Though every time he began a task, he soon found himself distracted. He froze in a trance, eyes lost in the distance when the questions and confusion ran across his mind again and again.

There were always girls with breathtaking beauty who’d stunned him in a similar way. Though those moments were fleeting and starkly different to how he felt now. Changkyun thought when he first began feeling odd about Hoseok that it was a deep respect for the man. Then the bubbling in his chest when he was around Hoseok lately reminded him of those women from his past. Changkyun was fascinated and drawn to Hoseok, so much so he had already kissed him as if in a trance while the man was sleeping. Now after their first session he realized it was more than admiration or infatuation that had filled him. He was certain now that he was attracted to a man.

And it wasn’t just any man, but the very ideal of a man. Hoseok was beautiful yet completely masculine in form. He was rich and powerful and charismatic, talented and completely gentle. It wasn’t like it was wrong for Changkyun to be falling for him so easily because of any of those factors or even the fact he was a man in the first place. What had Changkyun drifting in and out of his head was the unspoken truth about having these feelings for such a person: it was bound to be unrequited.

After thinking about it all afternoon, Changkyun finally accepted that reality. It was better to submit to his growing attraction to Hoseok than to deny it and suffer the resulting turmoil. Either way was a pretty sad fate but by accepting his unrequited affection he could at least be somewhat content admiring Hoseok from afar. That’s how Changkyun passed most of his time during their session later that evening.

The subtle smell of the oil paints mixing with solvents carried across the room. Hoseok had already begun mixing and painting his first few layers of the painting. He’d warned Changkyun before they started that this would be when the real test of patience would begin and that the painting could take weeks to finish completely. Luckily Changkyun didn’t have to sit there naked for all those hours of work Hoseok planned to put into this piece, he was told. And this time Hoseok had lit a fire before they started.

Occasional cracking from the burning wood and coal interrupted Changkyun’s dazed thoughts and urged him to talk. Though, the only things he wanted to say were more personal inquiries about Hoseok. Some likely too personal to be asked by someone like Changkyun.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok finally spoke up first. Of course the man could easily read his mind. “You look like you want to say something.”

Changkyun pursed his lips before finally asking, “Do you ever feel lonely in this house?” His voice wavered. It was a very bold question to be asking so suddenly.

Clearly, Hoseok had thought so as well judging by how he paused in his strokes of the brush. There was a silence, and then Hoseok replied, “On occasion. Though I believe I’ve become accustomed to living in such a big space by myself.”

“Why not hire servants or cooks?” Changkyun blurted. “If not for the help then for the company.”

“Like I said,” Hoseok smiled and fixed his focus on the canvas directly in front of him and obscuring Changkyun’s view. “I’m used to being alone. It’s being with others that’s difficult for me now.”

Changkyun carefully resituated himself once he felt his arm going numb. It was also a convenient distraction from how awkwardly their conversation seemed to end itself. “I’ve felt lonely every day since I left home.” Changkyun confessed and won a surprised glance from Hoseok across the room. Eyeing the ceiling, the model wistfully sighed. “I’ve been thinking about what you said about me yesterday. How I’m not afraid and how I’m strong.” He smiled, fingers curling into his side. “I’m not like that at all. There’s so much I’m worried about, things that keep me up at night for hours out of fear and sadness.” The model relaxed his fingers and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he exhaled and said, “I think I’m very weak.”

“Changkyun…” Hoseok mumbled, stunned speechless.

Looking back to the artist, Changkyun smiled. “But after hearing what you said and thinking about it… I want to overcome that weakness. I want to be that person because everything you’ve done for me makes me want to do so. So I want to tell you—” Changkyun tripped over his words once he met eyes with Hoseok. Instead he paused, mouth agape while he told himself over and over to just say it. Just tell Hoseok how he was only falling deeper for him as the days passed. Changkyun’s eyes fell onto the floor, a prickling feeling trickling across his fingertips as his arm began going numb. “I want to say… that I’m glad I get to be your model.” He moved his arm and felt the blood rush back to his hand and up his arm again. Then he quickly added, “I’m glad I got to meet you.”

It certainly wasn’t the right phrase to fully convey Changkyun’s thoughts over these last few days, but it was enough for now. Really, it was all he had the courage to say as he lay there naked and vulnerable to that perfect man across the room. Hoseok stood there a moment, paint drying on the end of the brush’s bristles at his side. There was a long silence until Changkyun finally looked up again. Though once he had met Hoseok’s eyes again, he felt the prickling sensation overcome his whole chest this time. Hoseok was standing there, smiling so softly as if he was waiting for Changkyun to return his fond gaze before he answered to Changkyun’s abrupt confession.

“I’m flattered.” Hoseok said and let out a small chuckle. His lips were curled into a smile and Changkyun returned the gesture from his seat. Raising his brush to the canvas, Hoseok continued, “Your honesty and humility knows no bounds, does it Changkyun?” His figure began to disappear behind the canvas once more. “That’s what I meant earlier. That’s what I like about you.”

Changkyun settled into his seat for the remaining hours of their session, hiding his pleased smile so it wouldn’t mistakenly be added into Hoseok’s work. Luckily he never felt a numbness in his arm the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg istg the next chapter things will pick up and it'll go way faster lmaooooo did not intend for it to be this long. i was intending on fitting a scene in this chapter but it'll have to be the beginning of the next so hopefully i won't take forever on that part either??
> 
> thanks everyone for all the nice comments even tho im so slow at writing this i rly like writing it so i'm glad to see ur responses! ^^


	9. Fulfilment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And there the lion’s ruddy eyes  
> Shall flow with tears of gold:  
> And pitying the tender cries,  
> And walking round the fold"

Changkyun had woken up first once again. After a trip to the toilet, he returned to his vanity and sat on the small stool for some time, staring into the mirror. He felt a new feeling of relief in the back of his mind as he eyed the photos of his parents fixed into the mirror’s frame. Instead of guilt consuming him, he only remembered the happier memories they gave him now. Of course he still missed them dearly, but Changkyun began to realize how much he’d changed over the last few weeks. He took a look at himself in the mirror and poked and prodded his cheeks and neck. It was clear he’d gained a bit of his weight back and he was glad for it. Getting two meals a day, not overworking himself, and being genuinely happier than he had been months ago was doing wonders for him.

Taking on this job had also allowed him to do things he hadn’t the time for in a while. He made tea every day and would head to the market for some good food without worrying about his time or expenses. He had so much time in the afternoons now, as Hoseok remained in his room, that he could even read some books again. He had begun with the few in his trunk; lounging around in his room for hours to pass the time in peaceful solitude. Spurred on by the countless books from around the world in Hoseok’s parlor, he even rediscovered his interest in translating and applied it to his favorite novels from home. He didn’t expect anyone to read these stories, but it was fun to just go through chapter by chapter, handwriting each line in English to the best of his ability.

It was strange seeing these stories he’d grown up with at home written in such a foreign way, especially the character’s names. Writing them out in English was quite amusing to Changkyun. Then Changkyun stopped at the end of a sentence and thought for a moment. Flipping through his journal back to the beginning, he thumbed over the inside of the cover. Taking his pen, he inked his own name in English into the journal. “Im Chang-Gyun”. He smiled.

“I’m Changkyun.” He mumbled to himself and let out a small, amused laugh.

 

* * *

 

As Changkyun had finished preparing dinner, Hoseok had finally joined him downstairs in the dining room. Though, Hoseok seemed much more enthusiastic today than he had the last few days right before their sessions. Changkyun grinned as he began his own plate of food. He’d learned over their time together that if Hoseok was hungry he’d get some food on his own. Changkyun didn’t need to trouble himself over Hoseok’s meals, the man had told him one day.

“What’s got you in such a pleasant mood?” Changkyun asked as he cut up the meat before him.

Hoseok returned the smile, joy filling his whole expression. “It’s Saturday evening,” Hoseok began as he took a seat across from Changkyun. “Tonight’s been on my mind all week.”

Changkyun swallowed and reached for his glass of water. “What’s special about tonight?”

“I want to take you to the opera.” Hoseok said.

Changkyun sputtered out his water. Coughing a few times, he blushed from embarrassment. At least this time it wasn’t hot tea that he’d spilled all over a nice, antique table.

“The opera?!” Changkyun repeated, stunned. “Isn’t that a very… formal event?” He didn’t want to call it a spectacle exclusively for the rich and elite, but that’s all he knew the opera to be.

Hoseok was smiling all the while, amused by Changkyun attempting to clean up his mess and his dignity. “It’s the best place for me to meet with people interested in art. An acquaintance of mine will be there tonight and I’d like to get some pieces off my hands.” He folded his hands over his knee and leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be going to mingle with the crowd but I think I’d enjoy it all so much more if you went with me.”

Changkyun cleared his throat, grabbing his fork and trying to feign competency again. “I’ve never seen an opera before…” He mumbled, still unsure about the idea.

“That’s also why I want you to come. I think you’ll really enjoy yourself.” Hoseok smiled wide, his eyes disappearing in such an endearing manner. “It just so happens the one tonight is a favorite of mine.”

Nodding his head, Changkyun thought about the offer silently. He chewed his food and kept his eyes on his half-finished dinner all the while. It wasn’t often he’d get the chance to experience something so dignified and expensive. And if he was going with Hoseok, he felt even more inclined to go. He had to keep himself from smiling like a fool at the idea of sitting so close to Hoseok for hours.

“Alright. I’d like to go.” Changkyun answered and won an excited clap from Hoseok.

“Wonderful!” Hoseok exclaimed. He stood up and headed toward the door, calling back, “I’ll let you finish your meal while I change. There should be some suitable clothes in your wardrobe.” Once he stepped out, he stopped himself in the doorway and glanced back at the other. “Find me if you need any help putting anything on. Evening attire can be such a nuisance.”

Changkyun nodded and swallowed a chunk of food he barely finished chewing. As soon as Hoseok was out of sight, he let out a tense breath and gripped at his chest, relieved. If it was anything like the last time Hoseok had helped him with his clothes, there was no way he was going to let that man dress him again, not when even the thought of being close to the man had Changkyun feeling lightheaded.

 

* * *

 

Letting out a deep breath, Changkyun took one last look in the mirror. He patted his hands down the front of his coat, dusting it off the best he could. The coat was a tad too big on him, but he was just glad there was any evening wear at all in his room. It looked somewhat awkward on his smaller frame, as his trousers were definitely made for someone taller than himself, but he was content. He was just happy he managed to get his bowtie on without too much trouble. He was able to find something to keep his hair combed back in the bathroom cupboard. It was strange seeing himself with his hair pushed back and out of his face, especially with how long it had gotten recently, that he wasn’t sure he liked it. 

After fine-tuning the smallest of details, Changkyun finally let out another breath and headed toward the stairs. Though he quickly stopped near the top, taken aback when he saw Hoseok at the bottom waiting for him. The man was dressed similarly to himself, but his clothes were the perfect fit on him. His hair was styled back so neatly and he bore a striking red waistcoat lined with intricate patterns of stitching. Changkyun had to wonder if he’d look to plain beside the man now.

“Changkyun,” Hoseok called out, excitement written all over his face. The man smiled and held out his hand toward the steps. “Just in time. There’s a carriage waiting outside.”

Rushing down the steps, Changkyun slowed the closer he got to the bottom. Hoseok was still holding out his hand to him and after some hesitation, Changkyun reached out and took it. Hoseok softened his smile, curling his fingers around Changkyun’s momentarily until the other had stepped into the foyer, by his side. He started off before the boy, glancing back as he held the front door open for him. “You look very handsome tonight.”

Taking the compliment in the most passive manner he could, Changkyun nodded his head and returned the favor. “You look even better. It’s like those clothes were made for you.”

Hoseok laughed, “They were.”

They both entered the carriage and things became quiet again. Changkyun had no idea what to talk about, too preoccupied with his escalating anxiousness about their outing together. The closer they drew toward the opera house, the louder the streets clammored with people enjoying their evenings. It had been a while since Changkyun had been in such a crowd and the thought of getting lost among the strangers added to his nervousness as well.

From the seat next to him, Hoseok kept his eyes on him for some time. “You look so serious.” He smirked and looked back out the little window on his other side. “You should enjoy yourself tonight. Don’t worry about anything and relax.” Hoseok spoke with such a softness in his voice that Changkyun did begin to feel some assurance in his words.

“I’ve never been to an opera before…” Changkyun uttered and Hoseok glanced at him again. Looking out his own window, Changkyun shut the curtain and his own eyes. He confessed, “I don’t really know what I should do or say while I’m there. I’m worried I’ll embarrass myself.”

The carriage slowed into a stop and Changkyun opened his eyes again. He turned slightly to get up and leave but Hoseok was still sitting there, blocking the door. The man looked him in the eye and said, “I told you Changkyun, just enjoy yourself. Leave all the formalities to me.” Then Hoseok turned away and stepped out of the carriage first. Changkyun sat there a moment, smiling to himself at how reassuring the man was before following after.

Once they had stepped inside, it was like another world to Changkyun. There were men in lavish tuxedos smoking and drinking and laughing boisterously while the women attending with them were adorned in polite smiles and dazzling jewelry and gowns. A man stopped before Hoseok and held out a tray of glasses toward him. Neither of them said anything and Hoseok simply took two glasses and handed one off to Changkyun as the man left them. It was a strange exchange, but Changkyun brushed it off and took the drink.

“It’s not the best champagne but most people here don’t care about the quality.” Hoseok smirked at Changkyun as he brought the glass to his lips and sipped at the drink. Eyeing what remained, Hoseok then looked around the room and added, “They only care about the glamour.”

Changkyun quietly followed Hoseok’s example and slowly sipped at his own drink. He looked around the room as well, but didn’t feel the same way. Instead he only felt the distance between himself and everyone else in the room, even Hoseok.

“Here, let’s head to our seats.” Hoseok interrupted his thoughts and set his empty glass down on another waiter’s tray. Changkyun blinked at the man before stumbling after mindlessly. He hadn’t finished his drink, but he set it aside as well. He wasn’t sure he would have finished the drink anyway.

Hoseok waited by the stairs until Changkyun was beside him then put his hand to Changkyun’s back, guiding him up to the second floor with him. Hoseok smiled and greeted some people along the way until they reached the third floor. Hoseok led him to a door that opened into a small box with two seats and, as far as Changkyun could tell, a great view of the stage. Changkyun stood in the back of the box, stunned speechless. When Hoseok had invited him to the opera he had imagined they would be sitting in the crowded seats below. Instead they were in their own private world, the chatter of the crowd a mild buzzing in the back of his mind now.

When he’d looked up, Hoseok was already sitting in the seat closer to the stage, holding the pair of binoculars that had been sitting in his spot prior. He ushered the other man over, a gleam in his eye as he explained, “This is my private box, make yourself comfortable.”

Changkyun nodded and sat down in the chair beside the man. He looked on as the orchestra continued tuning their instruments, fingers tugging at the sleeve of his coat as he waited for the opera to start. In the meantime, he looked around the box he was in and just how much of it was enveloped in shadows. There were few lights in the rows of boxes further up and soon the ones on stage brightened as everyone took their seats.

“Here,” Hoseok had reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small pamphlet. Offering it to Changkyun, he leaned closer and whispered, “It will explain what’s happening in the story.”

Changkyun looked closely, using what little light was left to read the image on the cover. It read  _ Les Contes d’Hoffmann _ but Changkyun had no idea what that meant. When he leaned over to ask Hoseok about it, everyone had quieted down for a moment. Then music poured into the entire house. Trumpets blared and drums pounded before the curtains pulled open and everyone clapped in applause. The prima uomo stepped onto the stage and began singing, Changkyun staring all the while mesmerized. His eyes darted from the stage to the pamphlet in his lap, grateful the rest of the contents were in English at least.

The opera carried on for about thirty minutes, Changkyun’s eyes glued onto the stage the whole time. He was following along with the story pretty easily until suddenly the music took over and the curtains pulled to a close again. Changkyun blinked and turned to Hoseok. “Is it over already?”

Hoseok held back a laugh and shook his head. “No, this is just an intermission. There’s two in this one.” Suddenly Hoseok stood and straightened his coat, maneuvering around his chair toward the door. “I take this time to find people interested in buying paintings among the crowd. You can come along if you’d like.”

Changkyun shook his head and declined the offer, “I’d rather wait here for it to start again.”

Seconds later, Hoseok was gone and Changkyun was alone in the box. The murmuring of people below and nearby buzzed around him again as the orchestra faded out. From Changkyun’s position, he could see the whole orchestra moving around, rearranging themselves and chatting with one another. He thought for a moment that maybe he should’ve gone with Hoseok and talked to other people. He was sitting here in this grand opera house in a nice tuxedo with champagne at his disposal, surrounded by politicians and businessmen and yet he didn’t really want to be a part of any of it. It was all still so foreign to Changkyun even after all the time he’d spent with Hoseok and he wasn’t sure he could ever really adjust to it.

Spotting the binoculars in the seat next to him, Changkyun took them and looked them over. They were brass and heavy in his palm and seemingly expensive. Changkyun held them up to his eyes, taking a closer look at the stage below. He moved slightly and watched a couple of the musicians laugh together about something. Changkyun smiled to himself at the sight and the bizarre feeling of watching without them even realizing it. Changkyun used the binoculars and looked around the whole house, spying momentarily on whoever was in his line of vision. There was a box of four or five men talking, smoking, and drinking together. Changkyun wondered if they were some politicians of sorts by how they carried themselves. Moving further from the stage, there was a couple getting frisky across the room in their own box. Embarrassed, Changkyun immediately lowered his scope to the box below in the second row across the room. He paused on them a moment, brow furrowing in curiosity.

There was a man sitting still, facing away from the stage. There was something odd about him, to say the least. Yet, Changkyun was mesmerized. He sat there staring through his scope for some time, even as his arm grew weary from holding the handle up. There was something odd yet familiar about that man and Changkyun just couldn’t put his finger on it. It was difficult to make out his features from the distance and with the poor lighting, but Changkyun knew in the back of his mind he’d seen this man somewhere before. Suddenly another figure entered the box and appeared behind the man, looming over him. The new man must have been much older because he had white or grayed hair. Hand on the younger man’s shoulder, he seemed to mutter a few things before smiling. It was hard to make out any clear details on anyone so far away, but this man’s smile was clear and it made Changkyun uneasy.

The older man paused a moment, then lifted his head. He looked up and right at Changkyun, staring at him. Changkyun dropped the binoculars and cursed under his breath at his clumsiness. Ignoring the chill that had run up his spine, he picked the scope from the ground and looked back to the box the two strange figures had been in. Though when he looked this time, they were gone and the chairs were empty.

“Like them?” Hoseok asked as he stepped back inside and took a seat. 

Changkyun nearly jumped from the surprise and fumbled with the scope again. Though this time he made sure not to drop them. He replied, “I was just fooling around. Seeing what they were like.”

“You can use them for the rest of the show.” Hoseok encouraged him and crossed a leg, resting his hands on top. The music had started up again and everyone funneled back into their seats.

Changkyun nodded in gratitude and resituated himself in his seat once the curtains opened again to a new, colorful scene with a stage full of dancers and actors. Within moments he was hypnotized by the production, consumed by the music and engrossed in the performances that carried out below. At one point Hoseok leaned over and whispered, “This is one of my favorite parts. It’s so whimsical.” While his hand had found its way onto Changkyun’s knee. And though Changkyun did laugh at the scene that unfolded, he had to bite back a noise at how Hoseok moved his hand across Changkyun’s leg again and again. He wasn’t sure if Hoseok had just unknowingly left his hand linger across his thigh for the following few acts, but it seemed like every now and again he’d remember it was there and would grip Changkyun’s leg in excitement at what was happening on the stage. While Changkyun thoroughly was enjoying the opera, easily half the smiles on his face were just from how warm he felt having Hoseok so close to him.

The next intermission came upon them much later and applause rang out as the curtains closed once again. Hoseok stood up and fixing the cuffs of his sleeves, he asked, “Would you like a drink?”

Changkyun blinked up at the man then stood up as well. He grinned and answered, “I’ll come with you this time.”

Hoseok looked surprised, but pleased. Leading the way, he left out the back while Changkyun tailed after, though not without glancing back at the strange box from the last intermission first.

“So the people you’re meeting,” Changkyun started, “They’re artists too?”

Hoseok shook his head. “Most of them are collectors. They just appreciate art.” He stopped at the second floor and smirked back at Changkyun. “At least enough to buy it.”

Nodding along, Changkyun stopped when a man approached Hoseok. “Ah, Wilhelm!” The man’s voice boomed in the halls as he greeted the artist. Shaking his hand enthusiastically, his wife followed after and the three began chatting in a foreign language. Changkyun was shocked by the scene, since he never knew Hoseok could speak any other language aside from Korean or English, and by the reference to his western name. He’d heard it before already once but had forgotten all about it until now. Changkyun reminded himself to ask about it later.

For now, Changkyun felt uncomfortable in the conversation. After Hoseok introduced him, he became distracted and the three were in their own world. As such, Changkyun wandered off and headed toward the ground floor. There were quite a few more people on this level, but it was nothing like the crowd when he had first arrived earlier in the evening. A waiter had approached him, offering a drink, and he declined. Instead he wandered around, admiring the building and its grandiose aesthetic.

There were a few people that gave him strange looks, whispering among themselves, as he stood there alone and unsociable. He tried to ignore them and walked further away, looking up at the chandelier with fascination. That is, until he ran into another man and stumbled back.

“I’m so sorry. Pardon me.” Changkyun apologized before the man closed in on him, grabbing ahold of his coat roughly.

He looked concerned and muttered to Changkyun, “You! I’ve been looking for you.”

Changkyun merely stared him down, gripping onto the man’s arm in slight panic. “I-I think you have the wrong person, sir...”

The man didn’t look like he was here for any opera. He was dressed in a plaid wool coat much too big for himself and a newsboy hat to match. It obscured his face just enough that it gave him an even crazier look to his already crazy behavior. “That rich fella with the golden hair. The one you came in with.” He mumbled with a paranoid voice.

Changkyun’s eyes widened and he said, “Hoseok?”

“Whatever his name is, you should stay away from him.” The man’s pupils shook as they met with Changkyun’s. The boy felt frozen in place under the man’s powerful grip. “There’s something wrong with him.”

As soon as Changkyun wanted to ask what he meant by that, the man’s eyes darted to the side and he let go. In seconds he had fled into the crowd and was lost from Changkyun’s sight.

“Who was that?” Hoseok asked as he approached Changkyun from behind.

Changkyun spun around and stared up at Hoseok with a nervous look. “Oh he was… just drunk I suppose. Didn’t make any sense.” Changkyun tried laughing it off. He wasn’t really sure why himself, but he lied to Hoseok. There was just something so unnerving about what the man had said and how terrified he’d looked that didn’t sit right with Changkyun. He didn’t want to worry Hoseok about it, especially not when the man looked so overjoyed as they left to take their seats again for the final act.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Changkyun started as they entered their box again, music signaling the opera was to resume any minute now. “What’s with the name Wilhelm?”

Hoseok glanced at him, surprised by the question, but amused nonetheless. He fanned himself with the pamphlet and explained, “It’s just a name I picked up as I grew up. I figured I’d need a business name for my ventures in art.” Hoseok smiled and clapped with the rest of the crowd as the curtains opened to the main characters reunited on stage once again.

“Seems like a strange name to choose.” Changkyun snickered.

“And how is Daniel any different?” Hoseok rebutted.

Changkyun shrugged and looked on with the binoculars. “I guess they’re both strange from what I’m used to.” He smirked. “But Wilhelm is still stranger.” He glanced back at Hoseok who was focused on the opera. “What language were you speaking earlier? With that man.”

Hoseok blinked and turned his attention from the actors to Changkyun beside him. He answered nonchalant, “French.” And he smiled, nodding back toward the stage. “The opera’s French after all.”

Changkyun looked to the stage with wide eyes. He supposed that was why he couldn’t understand anything they were saying, or even the cover of the pamphlet in Hoseok’s hands.

“I finished a deal, if you’d like to know.” Hoseok had whispered as he leaned closer to Changkyun. “The man earlier said he’ll stop by and take some pieces off my hands.”

Changkyun was focused on the finale playing out on stage, nodding mindlessly to Hoseok’s comments. “That’s great.”

Hoseok looked Changkyun up and down, then smirked and leaned even closer. He whispered into the other’s ear, “I won’t let him look at your painting though. That’s only for my eyes.” Then Hoseok reached over and snatched the binoculars from Changkyun’s hands.

Changkyun had turned around, biting his tongue when he realized Hoseok was sitting back in his chair, arms crossed and watching the opera with the binoculars masking his eyes as if he hadn’t just teased Changkyun. Changkyun sat in silence for the rest of the final act, resigned to dwelling on that comment for the rest of the evening. Only when the crowd stood for applause did Changkyun let out his bottled up frustration in the form of vigorous claps. His first opera had been quite an experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn't really expect this chapter to be JUST the opera stuff but u know me!!!! also didn't beta read it so it's kind of a mess but im usually like that lmao anyway exciting stuff has started the gears are turning maybe u can guess what's gonna happen already.. ?


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